Unless you live under a rock, you have probably been hearing about the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy everywhere the past few weeks. Apparently there’s a movie deal now and they were recently released in print. It’s topping the best seller lists and it’s being banned from a few libraries. Whenever I hear a book is being banned from libraries I cringe inside and then I have to read it. I hate the idea of being told what I can and cannot read. It just seems so very un-American. Can’t they just put a rating or a warning label on it like a cd or a movie?

There seemed to be very polarizing reviews, people either loved it or hated it. So I wanted to read the books and make up my own mind.(warning: spoilers and graphic language ahead)

I have to say I didn’t think the first book was that great. Actually I thought it was pretty awful. It reminded me a lot of Twilight and at the time I didn’t even know it had started out as Twilight fan fiction. I actually said to my husband, “Apparently all you have to do to write a popular series is create an awkward brunette heroine who falls for a guy who is no good for her. This is just like Twilight without the supernatural stuff and with a lot of sex.”

And there was a lot of sex. To the point that I got bored and stared skipping the sex scenes. Not because I’m a prude, but because they just got really repetitive and I didn’t find them nearly as shocking as they were advertised to be. Maybe it’s my age and a generation gap with other readers, but it is not shocking to me that these things exist and it doesn’t bother me if people want to use sex toys in consensual, monogamous, adult relationships, which is exactly what happens in the books. (Though it’s a different story when people want to advertise those kinds of toys on the bulletin board at my kids’ preschool, right Michele?) I did find it mildly educational at times because I am not at all familiar with the world of S&M. Oh that’s how people use those things…It sort of takes you back to being a teenager and discretely reading Cosmo articles that make you blush. 

There was pretty much no plot whatsoever in the first book (Girl meets boy, finds out boy is freaky, they get freaky together, then they do it again, and again, and again, the end.) which was the reason I kept reading and started the second book. I was curious how in the world this could possibly be a trilogy.  

A lot of people are criticizing the poor writing. I didn’t think it was that bad. I thought the character development was surprisingly good for what I expected of the genre (this being my first and probably only glimpse into the world of erotica) and each book got progressively better in terms of a plot line. I actually enjoyed the last book (which, incidentally, had the least sex) I thought the email conversations were really cute. It did get annoying that it often seemed like the author wrote with a thesaurus on her lap, throwing around words nobody ever uses, although her vocabulary was completely lacking for words to describe genitalia. Seriously. No one calls it “my sex.” 

Also, at first the whole inner goddess vs. subconscious thing was totally annoying, but then I got used to it.  

Some people are upset that this book puts women in a subservient position. Those people didn’t read the books. Ana is a strong female character and never allows herself to be put in that position, except during sex and it’s 100% consensual. Also not all the “doms” are men. I appreciated that she had the cojones to leave (so very un-Bella Swan of her) although I thought the context of her leaving was just plain stupid. I want you to spank me. Wait? I can’t believe you just did that. That hurt. I’m leaving you.

Some people are upset because it’s basically mainstream pornography. Not gonna lie. It totally is. Except it’s in your imagination (at least until the movie comes out) I don’t know if that makes it any different. I feel kind of guilty that I read it. It was very very very dirty and you should not under any circumstances let anyone under the age of 18 anywhere near these books. I wanted to ask my friends if they read it, but I was too embarrassed that I had read it in the first place to ask them and I don’t know that I would go recommending it to anyone. (So instead I’ll blog about it so the whole world knows.)

I have heard that a lot of women are reading it with their husbands and apparently it’s beneficial to their relationship. I did ask Eddie if it bothered him that I wanted to read it and he didn’t care. If he didn’t want me to read it I would have respected that.

I actually found it very intriguing that Ana was able to find a balance between being submissive, but not “a submissive,”  to her husband (they get married eventually) and being an assertive modern woman. I think that’s a theme that speaks to many married woman, myself included, although most of us live out this struggle internally and not in the “red room of pain.” I guess that’s why it’s being dubbed “Mommy porn.”

The real reason, as weird as it sounds, that I wanted to finish the series is that the more I found out about Christian the more he reminded me of my worst fears for my son and I very much appreciated that Ana was able to bring him out of that dark place and be a light for him. As the series progressed, I read it relating more to Grace, Christian’s adoptive mom, than to Ana.

Although Nicholas did not suffer the abuse in early childhood that Christian did, their beginning of life and subsequent attachment issues are very similar. Every time Nicholas is violent towards me or his sister (something we are really striving to work on these days) I pray for the women he will date and the woman he will marry. I hope she is like Ana.  It was refreshing to have a female character who could believably balance unconditional love while simultaneously sticking up for her “hard limits.”

I like a happy ending (no pun  intended) so my favorite part of the whole thing was the epilogue. That being said, had I been the writer I probably would have offed at least one of the characters, probably Ray after the accident. As it stands, that accident didn’t really seem to serve much of a purpose. I was assuming it was connected to the rest of the car chasing/kidnapping plot, but it wasn’t. I guess  it was supposed to teach Ana the fragility of life, but I think that would’ve been better accomplished if he had died. Whatever, I’m not sure the author even put that much thought into it.

So, to sum up, basically, my opinion is the fist book is total smut but necessary for context, the second book gets better, and the third book is pretty good, albeit completely predictable. 

So, are you willing to admit you read it? Thoughts if you did?

 Dear Abigail,

You are three today. You are such a joy to our family! You are fun, and smart, and sassy and undeniably beautiful. Compassionate and emotional with a vivid imagination. Bossy but compliant (usually). You know, and have always known, your own mind and you cannot be swayed or distracted once you have made a decision.

You let your emotions drive you and you seem already to be our family artist.

You are painfully shy around strangers, just like I was, but in your comfort zone you are a performer. Practicing facial expressions in the mirror, making up songs, and dancing and singing in front of cameras, mirrors, dolls, or anyone you know well enough to allow to listen.

You love babies and animals and you stand up and fight for anyone and anything you feel is being treated unfairly. Even if it is me that you are fighting against, I will always try to encourage that in you.

You are a very pretty girl. So pretty that sometimes it makes me nervous. It is very easy for people to see your beautiful face and not bother to get to know your personality. Your heart breaks easily, three or four times a day, and it breaks the hardest when you feel as though you are not being heard. Part of being a middle child, I suppose.

You are gifted. So, so very smart. Consistently a year or more ahead of an average child of your age, at least according to the charts and milestones used to measure where you “should” be. Another reason I will never allow you to get by on your looks.

You are also very self-aware. More so than any child I’ve seen at your age. You know how and when to use your looks, your facial expressions, your body language. Who will respond to baby talk and who will be impressed when you pull out the big guns, your “yes ma’am’s and thank you sir’s” You can read a situation and know when is a good time to test your boundaries and when you need to be mature beyond your years.

You are here with me every day and you know the challenges your brother and I face together better than anyone. You are there to remind him when to calm down (despite being the one to push his buttons in the first place) and you are there with kisses and “I love you, mommy’s” when his aggression turns on me.

And there are some times (many times) that you spontaneously burst into tears. 

Whether it is about a doll you are pretending to mother, or your real baby sister, or a friend hurt on the playground, or even when you think it’s me being too hard on your brother,  you feel deeply, with your whole soul.

And I hope you never change.

Love,
Mommy

Hope you all had a great Easter Holiday! Ours was great but went by fast!

Eddie’s mom was here with me last week and it was so nice to have the help. We are caught up on laundry and dishes for the first time since….um, maybe ever.

We dyed eggs, I got to run a few errands, and we had a lot of fun. Now we’re back to the daily grind (Come back, Nana!) but my sister will be taking my older kids to see the Lorax movie this afternoon so I’m hoping to get some more stuff accomplished.

We just seem to get so busy this time of year. We spent all day Saturday cutting our grass at the new land and planting some baby trees from the Arbor Day Foundation, 2.4 acres sure takes a while to mow! Especially when everyone, including mommy, insists on having a turn on the new tractor.

We spend Easter doing a lot of running around. We were disappointed that we couldn’t make it to the Easter service at our church because we were traveling to see family, but we did an egg hunt with our Resurrection eggs and went over the story a few times. The kids were really into those eggs this year!

Then they got to have 2 more egg hunts later in the day. We also finally took a picture of the five of us together.

We stopped by my dad’s house, my mom’s house, and spent time with Eddie’s family at his Uncle’s. The weather was perfect and I hope the kids made some nice memories. I loved having the girls in matching dresses for the first time.

I might not be blogging much, but I hope I’ll remember to track our progress. We are in the permitting and financing stage of building the new house.

I’m back to work part-time.

I have a lot to do to prepare for tomorrow’s end of the year brunch for our Mom N Me group.

Nicholas is having all kinds of tests for his kindergarten placement this week and will be graduating out of play therapy in May. (Yay for his progress and our checkbook!)

The kids seem to be going on 8 million field trips for school.

My friend Lauren & I will be surprising Abby with a trip to the American Girl Store and possibly a Peter Rabbit Tea Party at the Ritz-Carton for her birthday! (Nicholas got to play a real round of golf with Daddy for his birthday)

We will also be planting our veggie garden this month.

Is spring a busy time for your family?