Binkies and Briefcases

I was missing my husband today-he’s safely in Africa now- so I was going through old emails and Facebook messages. (The modern day way to sort through a box of love letters.)   I was a little sad because I couldn’t reach him tonight and now it’s pretty late in their time zone. Then I found this and couldn’t stop laughing.

This is a screen shot of an actual conversation. He was downstairs working and I was upstairs and had finished putting the kids to bed. Also, I was pretty pregnant with Penny, so there’s an extra special visual for you.

Who says romance is dead?

Thanks for making me laugh through my tears even when you’re not here, babe.

It’s ALWAYS a good time for a poop joke.

P.S. As usual, I was right. Caps lock IS gross.

This week is pretty intense for our family. In three days my husband will  leave on a missions trip to Burkino Faso, a country in west Africa, with our church. He will be gone for more than half the month of June, using his skills as a professional engineer to help build a water tank in a place that does not currently have running water. It means he has a lot of responsibilities to wrap up this week for work and the house we are currently building as well as the trip itself. It also means I’ll be playing the single-parent role for a while. I don’t have a problem parenting my own kids, but Nicholas’ attachment concerns make times like this very, very difficult at home. The reactions from some people closest to us have been less than supportive, which is discouraging. They think they are coming from a place of love and concern, but it is actually a place of fear.

So what did I do this week to help with the preparations? I sat on my butt and looked at porn.

I’m not being sarcastic, that actually is what I did. And it helped a lot, although probably not in the way that you think.

I want to be loving and supportive and altruistic throughout this process, but the reality is that I am selfish and it is hard. It’s hard to be the one left behind to absorb the consequences of having daddy leave, although we know he is doing it for a good cause. It is hard to watch your health savings account disappear into yellow fever shots and malaria medication (Did you know those shots and pills cost thousands of dollars? Because they do.) and your husband’s vacation time get sucked away into a trip around the world that only one of you gets to take. To sit at home and twiddle your thumbs and worry about his safety. It’s even harder to do with three very young kids, especially when one of them has special needs.

I could have easily said no, but I didn’t. Because he’s my husband and he feels called to do something purposeful, something bigger than himself and right now my job is not to question or deny.  My job is to obey. And it makes me uncomfortable.

I come from a generation of self-sufficient women who are appalled by the idea of having to obey our husbands. I know I left it out of my marriage vows on purpose and I can’t recall a wedding I’ve attended recently where it has been said. But sometimes it just has to be done because it is the right thing to do. Sometimes he really does need to shine and I need to be content in a supporting role. When I reached that place I was left seeking wisdom and finding nothing but resistance. Can you think of any modern examples of strong women in loving relationships who are trying to teach themselves to learn obedience? I couldn’t. Well, except for one…

So this week I re-read the entire 50 Shades of Grey trilogy, and do you know what? It actually helped a lot. Go figure.

I still don’t think the books are particularly well-written and I realize they are complete smut, but walking with Ana on her journey to understand and, yes, even obey her husband without losing her sense of self was cathartic and gave me a great deal of clarity.

And so far my husband hasn’t complained about  the side effects. 😉