For Rene

This post was originally written in February of last year. Since it was written some laws have changed and some are currently being debated. In light of  current events, I was asked by a lifelong friend to please re-post this today. So I did.

You can view the original post and comments here.

This is not a post about craft projects and there are no pictures of my kids. There is an important issue going on here that I don’t feel comfortable ignoring any more. I haven’t seen my perspective represented anywhere & this is the only public forum I have, so I’m going to talk about it for a minute.

I’m a conservative Christian housewife living in Amish country. I’m a registered Republican. I voted for McCain. I’m strongly opposed to abortion, illegal immigration, and I do think homosexuality is a sin. And this is for my college friend Rene. Not my gay friend, just my friend who happens to be gay. And her wife.

I support gay marriage.

Why? Because to me whether or not our country should legalize the union of two people of the same sex is not an issue of morality, it is an issue of civil rights.

Is it sinful? Yeah, actually it is. It’s also sinful if I don’t go to church on a Sunday or if I cuss under my breath when the wrong contestant gets booted from American Idol. But I do that stuff and so do you.

Do I associate with gay people? Umm…do I associate with any people? Of course I do. If we refuse to hang out with people on the basis that we think they are sinners it’s going to be a pretty lonely existence. Newsflash: all people are sinners. Most of us aren’t being denied basic civil liberties because of it.”Last time I checked my watch, it still said America.” -Tim Allen

In our society right now people are outcast for being gay. You know who loved a good outcast? Jesus. You know who liked to persecute people who didn’t share his beliefs? Hitler. I’m not sure about you, but I’d much prefer to embrace the example of the former.

Did God make gay people gay? Yes. He made every human being and every one of us is a sinner. God loves every one of us despite our sinful nature. Hence, God loves gay people. Get over it Westboro Baptist “Church.” And P.S. Nobody is going to make me stop shopping at JC Penny.

Here’s the thing: it’s not the government’s job to regulate personal morality when it comes to issues that aren’t affecting the safety and well-being of others. That’s pretty much a fundamental Republican philosophy so I don’t understand why it doesn’t seem to apply to the gay marriage argument in real life.

In my mind it works like this:

Murder? Sinful + Harmful= Illegal.

Drugs? Sinful + Harmful = Illegal

Teenagers back talking their parents? Sinful + Not Harmful = Not Illegal

Gay marriage? Sinful + not harmful = _____________

It seems to me the logical answer to the question should be “not illegal.” Actually, it seems to be far more harmful to deny the gay community the advantages of a legal marriage.

My friend Rene and her wife are mothers to one very sweet little girl. They are mothers just like I am. As they have been anxiously awaiting Maryland’s ruling over the legality of their marriage, I’ve been reflecting on the benefits I take for granted as a woman in a traditional marriage.

The life insurance policies I would automatically have access to if something happened to my husband.

The tax deductions we just filed.

The fact that Eddie never had to go through the process of adopting our biological children, despite the fact that we never offered proof that he was their biological father. (Which, I can assure you, there is no question about.) The point is that even if he wasn’t, the hospital just gave him the rights to the children that came out of my body because we are legally married and I said he was the co-parent. When Rene had a baby Lauren had to wait months and pay thousands of dollars to adopt their own child and then go through hell trying to claim the adoption on the taxes.

We also have one adopted child and no one gave us a hard time about filing our adoption claim.

The right to adopt our son from Florida, the state where we were living at the time. I’m not sure about the current policy, but when we adopted Nicholas out of foster care in 2008 it was legal for gay couples in our state to foster children, but not adopt them. Consequently, there are foster children who have been living in loving foster homes for years with gay couples who lose yet another family when they become eligible for adoption and the couple who has been caring for them no longer has the option to do so if the child is to ever find an adoptive family. If the child stayed with the foster family he/she would lose the benefits that came along with being adopted, which at the time in Florida included a free college education.

My grandmother didn’t work, but she lived for years on my grandfather’s pension after she was widowed. What do gay couples do?

I am on my husband’s health insurance plan during these years I am home with my young children. What do gay couples do?

More importantly, what does a person’s sexual orientation have to do with things like health insurance, taxes and pensions?

When did we, collectively, become a society of adults acting like third grade bullies? Effectively, what we are saying is, “You can’t be in our club because you like girls.”

Well, I call bullshit, America.

I am tired of seeing teen suicides all over the news because we are constantly sending our children the message that to be gay is to be less than.

This is our generation’s version of Jim Crow and it is just as ridiculous.

I’m ashamed to say that I almost didn’t post this because I was afraid I’d turn off readers or offend people from my church. Or, alternatively, offend my more liberal friends from college. If I offended you I’m not sorry.

“My generation’s apathy. I’m disgusted with it. I’m disgusted with my own apathy too, for being spineless and not always standing up against racism, sexism and all those other -isms the counterculture has been whining about for years.”
– Kurt Cobain

It is the duty of every citizen according to his best capacities to give validity to his convictions in political affairs.
– Albert Einstein