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Small Business Spotlight: Jessy and Jack

November 15, 2014 By: Stephanie1 Comment

It’s been a while since I did a Small Business Spotlight. I’m really excited to be able to introduce you to Jessy and Jack today!

This company is brand new. As in, only a few weeks old. You know me, I always have my finger on the pulse of fashion.

Hahahahaha! Yeah right. I’m totally wearing a fluffy bathrobe and my husband’s sweatpants right now. But still…

I tweeted that I was in love with the purple puppy on one of their shirts and they asked if they could send a sample for Penny to test out.

I think she likes it. 🙂

jessy and jack tshirts

Her big sister was totes jelly.

(Ok, I promise not to ever use that sentence again. Please don’t leave me!)

Penny was thrilled to get a package in the mail and it was super cute to see her point to the animals on her shirt and say, 

“Dis puppy purple. Dis one blue. What is dis one?” So she also learned what a moose is today.

I liked that the shirt was tagless at the neck and that the laundering directions are machine wash, tumble dry. 

Since Jessy and Jack is a brand new company, their design choices are a bit limited right now. They currently only offer toddler t-shirts and onesies for babies. They plan to expand as the company grows.

Prices are in the $20-$25 range, which is a bit high for a t-shirt, but I am in love with the fact that this is a mom-founded and mom-run company based in Seattle with a very cool mission: 

“For every screen-printed t-shirt or onesie Jessy & Jack sells, we also donate a basic tee to a non-profit shelter that helps families in need. Each quarter we select an awesome shelter to be our beneficiary. At the end of the quarter we total up the number of shirts and onesies we have sold, add that number to our next manufacturing run, and deliver a batch of clean, new shirts to that organization.” 

This quarter their donations are going to Mary’s Place, which is a facility for homeless women and children in the company’s hometown. 

They also offer free shipping for orders over $40.

Make sure to follow along on the Jessy and Jack Facebook page to get updated information!

 

#ModestMavens

 

 

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30 Traits That Make a Great Husband

November 12, 2014 By: Stephanie1 Comment

My husband is turning 30 today. 

69133_4209797678370_759805841_nThis means two things: 

1. Now he can stop calling me Mrs. Robinson because we are the same age again. (I’m exactly two months older than he is, to the day.)

2. We have now been together for literally half of our lives. We started dating when we were 15. And now we’re “old” and married and have three kids. 

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You might think it is impossible for a 15-year-old girl to know with certainty that her high school sweetheart is the man she will marry, but I swear that I did. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. I knew he was “the one” for approximately 80 million reasons, but since today is his 30th birthday, I’ll start with just that many. In no particular order: 

1. Integrity: Since we were teenagers, Eddie has always done exactly what he said he would do, when he said he would do it. If he told me he would call me at 6:30 and something came up, he would find a way to get to a phone anyway (this was back before everyone had cell phones) and call to say he wasn’t going to be able to talk right now after all, but that he would call later. And then he did. 

2. Honesty. Even if it is something I’d rather not hear, I would still rather hear it from him. I can’t remember a time he has ever lied to me. (Other than this little white lie, which in retrospect, I guess is sort of funny.)

3. Ambition. At age 15 he knew he wanted to be an engineer and I knew that one day he would achieve that goal. And he did. 

4. Work Ethic. I have never, ever met a man with a stronger work ethic than my husband. One summer when we were in college he worked four jobs at the same time. He would mow lawns, do construction work, read meters for the gas company, and referee volleyball games. In high school he had an after school job with the custodial staff mopping floors and cleaning bathrooms. No job has ever been beneath him. I’ve always known that he would do whatever he had to do to provide for the family we built together. 

5. He believes in me.  I am a woman with big ideas. It is not unusual for me to come to him with an idea like, “Let’s move to Florida.” “Let’s adopt a kid.” “I think I want to start a community toy library.” “I think I want to start a national blog conference.” The list of my big ideas is pretty long. But he always helps me take the best ones and puts in the work behind the scenes to help me make them realities.

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6. Patience.  I know Eddie doesn’t consider himself a patient man, but he has put up with the likes of me for 15 years. And, believe me, he knows how to delay gratification. Whether it was as a teenage boy not pushing me to do anything physical, or now as a grown man who is still waiting for the pick up truck he’s wanted for over a decade, but won’t buy until we can pay for it in cash, he has more patience than he believes.  

7. Self-Control.  When we were 15 we came up with a list of things that we would never say to each other in a fight. And there have been plenty of fights, but to this day we still haven’t said them. 

8. Physical Strength. This probably isn’t very P.C. of me to say, not that I’ve ever really cared much about that. I have watched my husband grow from a boy into a man who is large and strong enough to make me feel protected. I know that, if he had to, he would fight hard to protect this family. 

9. Organization. I am, for the most part, the scattered and creative type. He is the one who organizes files, creates spreadsheets, and keeps tracks of appointments around here. 

10. Loyalty. I have never been the jealous kind, but this might only be because I’ve never had to be. My husband is loyal. Not only to me, but to his friends and his family and his job. 

11. He plays the guitar. I mean, come on. Watching your man’s wedding ring move up and down a fretboard is pretty hot. 

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12. And he’s pretty darn good at sports. You should have seen the kid spike a volleyball when we were in college. It was actually a tiny bit scary. It’s also extremely hot to see exactly how much power your man is capable of, and see the contrast to how gentle he always is with you. 

13. He’s a natural leader. Whether as the captain of a high school sports team, the president of his college fraternity, or now as an adult managing projects and people- or this family- he’s a strong and fair leader. 

14. Faith. Our faith has always been an important part of our lives, since we were teenagers in Catholic school, traveling to youth conferences and doing Campus Ministry projects. It is stronger now and it has been an amazing thing to watch Eddie grow in his. 

15. He will do the unpleasant stuff with me. Even when I was breastfeeding, Eddie woke up for every single night feeding. Every. Single. One. He would get up, bring me the baby, then go back to sleep until she was done eating. Then he would wake back up and take her to the crib. It didn’t matter to him that he had to get up and go to work and I didn’t. He knew I needed that emotional support. When Penny went through a phase where she wouldn’t sleep in her crib and I slept with her on the couch so that I could nurse her throughout the night, he slept in the living room with us, and we would take turns holding her all night. Because he knows sometimes all I need is for him to just be there. 

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16. He notices things. If you got a new haircut or if you look sad today, I might not notice. But he will. And chances are he’s the one who reminded me to call you for your birthday or to congratulate you about your new job. 

17. He puts up with my idiosyncrasies. I’m slightly neurotic. (Who isn’t?) So, this man will patiently sit up in the middle of the night and let me slide over his side of the bed instead of getting up on my own side to walk around the room to get to the bathroom, just because I hate walking past mirrors in the dark. Mirrors are creepy at night, ok? Why don’t we just switch sides, you ask? Because I need him to be the one who sleeps closest to the door, obviously. 

18. He eases my fears. In case you couldn’t tell from that last item on my list, I have a lot of anxiety. Like, a lot. He is the one who can read my eyes and stop a panic attack before it starts. He will take my hand and whisper, “It’s just the landing gear,” when he sees me get that look in response to a clicking noise on an airplane.   

19. He can and will do it himself.  Sometimes this can irritate me slightly (like when it took three years to finish the kitchen in our last house), but Eddie won’t pay anyone to do anything he can do himself. He cut our lawn with a push mower when we lived in Florida and it was 100 degrees every day and the grass needed to be cut twice a week. We were both working and could have afforded the lawn service that everyone else on our block was using, but he wouldn’t go for that on principle. Because he believes that if you are physically capable of doing something yourself, then you should. And he does. I often say that as long as I have him, I’ll be ok in the zombie apocalypse. Fix a motor, catch and clean a fish, build furniture, code me a new website from scratch…whatever. It’s all in a day’s work. 

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20. He’s encouraging.  It is not unusual for me to call him at work and say something along the lines of, “Hey, you know that miter saw in the garage? How do I change the angle? Is it this black knob thing on the side?” He’ll usually patiently ask if I can please wait until he gets home so that he can show me. And I’ll usually say no and try to figure it out myself anyway. But he rarely gets upset with me for using “his” tools or “his” computer stuff (unless I break something after he asked me not to touch it- which happens more often than I’d care to admit). He will teach me the difference between the drill and the impact driver and show me how to write code for something specific I want to do on the website. And then he’ll show me again a week later because I totally was not paying attention the first time. He does the same thing for the kids, teaching them new skills all the time. 

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21. He’s always been good at sharing. This was one of the hardest parts about navigating a new marriage for me. And it was hard again when I stopped working and was no longer contributing financially. But it has never seemed hard for him. To Eddie, it has always been our money, our stuff, our lives. Even something as personal as his sock drawer, he will always be willing to share with me. Remember that story?  

22. He’s a great dad. He just is. If I’m not feeling well on a Sunday morning, he will still get all three of the kids to church on time by himself. He will change his work schedule to show up for doctor’s appointments or Christmas concerts or the first day of school. He will ride roller coasters together with the kids or not force them on the daughter who doesn’t want to ride. He’ll wear the Olaf hat in public. 

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23. He can talk to anyone. I am not skilled at the art of conversation. If I don’t know you and you try to talk to me, it’s going to be awkward. But Eddie can talk to anyone about anything for hours at a time. He puts people at ease and helps them open up- which is the same thing he’s been doing for me for 15 years. 

24. His enthusiasm is catching. I would have never started watching The Walking Dead or listening to certain bands or even writing this blog without his love of music, zombies, and all things related to the internet.

25. This blog was his idea. Eddie started a small blog for our family back in 2007. He knew how much I liked to write and encouraged me to create a blog of my own- to carve out my own space on the internet. I honestly didn’t think anyone would care enough to read it, but he kept telling me words were my gift and it is selfish and wasteful to receive a gift and not use it. 

26. He’s, like, really smart. He was the youngest kid in our high school taking college calculus classes and he beat my score on the SATs by a good 100 points. (And I’m no dummy, I did manage to score myself a full academic scholarship to college.) He’d probably score higher than I would on an IQ test, but he’s smart enough not to take one whenever I suggest we try it. However, you would never know any of that stuff if you met him on the street, because he won’t ever make you feel like he’s talking down to you. 

27. I honestly can’t think of many vices. I have friends who worry about their husbands drinking too much, looking at pornography, or going out to “gentlemen’s clubs.” I’m very happy not to be able to relate to those conversations. I’m being 100% truthful when I say that, after 15 years together, the worst thing I can say about my husband is that he tends to over-commit himself to too many sports teams at a time. And once or twice a year he might smoke a cigar. I can’t remember one night in our marriage when I didn’t know where he was or what time he was coming home. He’s the one who insists we keep our tv and our computers in common areas. It took me 14 years to convince him to let me have a tv in our bedroom, and it still isn’t hooked up to the cable. While he might have a few drinks at a party occasionally, he has never, ever gotten drunk enough in my presence to need me to take care of him.

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28. He still surprises me. He did make my 30th birthday weekend pretty stinkin’ incredible this year, but the little things are more important. It could be a candy bar on my pillow or boycotting the NFL and refusing to watch any football games at all this year- which is a HUGE sacrifice for him-because he was so disappointed by how his team (the Baltimore Ravens) handled the situation with Ray Rice, he still does things all the time that surprise me and make me happy that he is mine.   

29. We share the same ridiculous sense of humor. I can’t even count how many times we will start laughing hysterically about something that no one else in the world would think was funny. When people ask why we are laughing and we try to explain, they usually just say, “oh” and look confused. I wish I could think of specific examples, but it doesn’t really matter anyway, because you wouldn’t think they were funny. Almost every day one of us reminds the other that it’s a good thing we found each other, because no one else would understand. It might just be the way someone said something that triggered the same ridiculous, inappropriate joke in both of us. We often have to avoid eye contact with each other in church. It’s not at all unusual for one of us to look straight ahead and whisper, “Don’t you look at me right now,” because we know we will both burst out laughing if we do make eye contact with the spouse sitting next to us. This guy is pretty hilarious. And he’s fun. 

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30. He forgives easily. I wish I shared this trait, but I definitely don’t. I will hold a grudge for years. Eddie is the opposite. As far as he is concerned, once you apologize, it is over and there is no need to ever bring it up again. If you asked him what the last thing he got angry at me about was, I doubt he could tell you. In our relationship, I have often been the one to make the biggest mistakes. With feelings, with money, with whatever. He has an amazing capacity to love people through their mistakes and just move forward. 

For which I am thankful, because I plan to be moving forward with this guy for the rest of my life.  

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thirty great qualities to look for in a potential match!

You might also like:

Real life love stories: A ten part series about how a pair of high school sweethearts found their way back to eachother

Photo Credit: @andresr via Deposit Photo

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Straight From the Bachelor’s Mouth: What Men Really Like In A Woman

November 11, 2014 By: Stephanie11 Comments

Expressive surprised man

I’m going to introduce you to someone today and you have to promise to be nice to him. I think he’s a little nervous about making his debut on the Mommy Blog scene. 

I call my friend Jeremy my “work husband.” We grew up together, although he was a year ahead of me in school, and we both always liked to write. We didn’t exactly run with the same crowds. He was a skateboarding, guitar playing kid who listened to punk rock and ska bands and I was a preppy cheerleader, but after school we would talk on Instant Messenger and we would give feedback on each other’s stories/poems/songs. Now that we’re grown-ups, our lives have gone in pretty different directions, but we’ve stayed in touch. I read his pieces on Thought Catalog  or 20 Something Magazine, and he reads mine on The Huffington Post and here on the blog. He also owns a production company and is the first person I contacted when I needed advice after that post about Target went viral. He’s been helping me tirelessly for over a month on the super secret project. (We can tell you SO SOON!) 

pictures I stole of Jeremy from Facebook

So, because of the nature of the super secret project, we have been having a lot of conversations lately about girls growing up to become women. I asked him to tell me honestly, as a single dude, what makes a woman attractive to him. Does it really have that much to do with how she looks? Could he name ten things that have nothing to do with that? 

After only a week or so of my nagging asking very nicely, he begrudgingly wrote it all out in a guest post for me. Here’s Jeremy… (He came up with the title by himself.) 

Stupid List Stephanie Made Me Do   by Jeremy Sheeler 

Whenever you first see someone, obviously, the first thing you notice is his or her looks. This is an unfortunate fact of life, I suppose. However, in the final count, it usually ends up being one of the least important things that truly attracts us to someone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a total ass-man, but I’m certainly not going to make my decision on a life partner based on whether she has a nice round backside.

And even more so, that initial attraction can run for hills once we get within earshot and happen to catch a glimpse of the personality that lies behind those alluring eyes. A pretty face only gets you so far—either for them or for you. I can’t even recall how many times I’ve gone from lukewarm to hot for a woman after finding out what makes her body tick; what moves her and gives her meaning; of who she is or what she wants to be.

So with that in mind, here’s a short little list of some of things that never fail to entice and excite me that have nothing to do with a woman’s physical appearance.   

1. Good conversation – Because the world would fall apart if we humans were just having sex all the time, there’s going to come a time in a relationship—actually probably the majority of any relationship—when you’re going to have to actually have a conversation with your significant other. Therefore, it would probably help if you could have some sort of verbal exchange that excited you, as well—just saying.

2. Adventurous – Routines are all well and good, and there is certainly value in knowing that someone is dependable and steadfast, but it’s also a lot of fun to be pushed outside of our comfort zones. And a woman that can help me experience something that I never thought I would do, or that I am afraid to do, is life-changing.

3. Plays an instrument/sings – Music soothes the savage beast. It is the language of the soul. It moves us in ways that almost nothing else can. I think that just about says it all.

4. Well-read – This one may be a little specialized for me, but I guarantee that I’m not the only guy out there that feels this way. There’s just something about a woman who’s experienced the depths of life expressed in a Russian novel or who simply understands the pleasure of seeing the world through another person’s eyes that books grant you access to. Novels—and really books in general—I believe, make someone a much more well-rounded person. They open up unknown worlds of possibility and can help us understand our fellow humans that much better.

5. Good laugh – There’s almost nothing sexier to me than a woman with an unself-conscious laugh. It shows an ease with herself and a willingness to be open with others. It also encourages me to let down my guard because she seems receptive to what I am saying.

6. Funny/quick-witted – Kind of in the same vein as the last one. I love to joke around. And when I’m around someone who is quick-witted, who I know will get what I’m saying or have a witty come back, it always makes for a good time. This is generally a natural talent, but if you got it, flaunt it. It can be majorly appealing.

7. Can cook well – I’ve been “cooking” for myself ever since I was 12, when my parents split—and I still somehow suck at it. I’m no Foodie, but I do enjoy a good meal. And I definitely would love to be with someone who could give that to me. In case you don’t know already: the most direct route to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

8. Passionate – I mean this on a couple different levels. The first one would, obviously, be in the amorous department. But also, I mean that she is driven by something in her life that deeply interests her. Excitement is very sexy. Plus, it also makes it a lot easier when it comes to birthday presents or planning a surprise trip to come up with something I know she’ll really like and appreciate.

9. Slight bad streak – One of biggest clichés in the world is that “nice guys finish last.” Well, for me, this is true of a woman, as well. I’m sorry, but if the only thing that someone can use to describe you is that you’re “nice,” it’s time to do some soul searching. Don’t confuse what I’m saying here, though. By “bad” I don’t mean “immoral,” but rather a woman who doesn’t play by the rules simply because they are the rules. This not only shows me that she has good judgment, but also an independence of mind. She understands the difference between when it is necessary to comply and when she needs to stand up for herself.

10. Street smarts – Book smarts are all well and good—and like I said I love a woman who reads—but they can also be extremely limiting in the real world. A woman that knows how to play the game—and will help you play it instead of playing you—is an invaluable asset. If you happen to find one, hold her close. I’ve always said, all I’m looking for is my “partner in crime.”

Our culture seems to be obsessed today with the superficial, and inundates us with images of what a “perfect body” is, but this is merely where attraction begins—not the end all, be all. Who we are and what we make ourselves through the skills and character we cultivate is what makes for real attraction, and what makes us stand out in the crowd.

Thank you, Jeremy. See? Writing for a mommy blog didn’t hurt that bad, did it? And yes, you are kind of an ass, man. (Sorry, I had to. Blame it on the power of punctuation.) But I like you anyway. 

Now I want to hear from all of you. What traits do you find attractive about a person that have little to nothing to do with his or her physical appearance? Why? 

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Forget Bringing Sexy Back, Can We Focus On Bringing Intimacy Back For a Second?

November 5, 2014 By: Stephanie6 Comments

Young happy couple (kissing)

Sorry, Justin. You know I love you. (I can’t help it, I was a teenager in the ’90’s.) 

But I don’t really think we need to focus on bringing sexy back right now, because it’s already here. 

It’s everywhere, including places it really doesn’t need to be- like printed on the back of these “hip shorts” that are clearly actually underwear (I hope) and also feature the phrase “All tied up.” But, you know, there is a picture of a bow tie on them, so it’s punny. Way to keep it classy, JT. 

I’ve been spending a great deal of time reading research and articles about the sexualization of girls lately, in preparation for that Glenn Beck segment and as part of the super secret larger project I’ll tell you about soon. 

Do you know what’s missing from all of these conversations about sexualization? 

The idea of intimacy. 

Remember that? 

Intimate moments are important  

Opening yourself up and becoming vulnerable to another person. The idea that friendship and emotional connection are an important part of a sexual relationship. Actually, I’d argue the most important part. 

Intimacy is important in a relationship

Because, really, without intimacy, what exactly is the point? 

Otherwise, you are just using another person the same way you could theoretically be using your right hand. And wouldn’t that be easier anyway? (Yes, I went there, I’m not apologizing.) 

Yet, our pop culture seems to be trying to completely divorce the connection between intimacy and sex today. 

The two highest paid actresses on TV, Kaley Couco and Sofia Vergara, are playing highly sexualized characters.

My kids can’t watch a football game with their father on a Sunday afternoon without seeing commercials for erectile dysfunction medication, Victoria Secret, and prime time network shows that talk about the ideas of threesomes and one night stands (Thank you Two and a Half Men and Big Bang Theory).    

I don’t want my children to become de-sensitized to sex. Not because I’m a prude (which I’m actually not), but because sex is a sensitive, intimate experience. 

You can’t experience intimacy in a casual relationship because those two ideas are opposing forces. Intimacy is a bond that develops over time and is based on trust, commitment and compassion, none of which are casual. 

Intimate picnic

Do you know what is funny? 

Today I was looking for stock images of “sexy” as part of another project, and in my Googling I noticed something. 

In all of the photos where the couples seemed to actually be in believable intimate, personal relationships (you know, the kind of “sexy” worth having), they all had their clothes on. They weren’t even engaged in any explicit sexual activity. Yet those were the photos that made me feel like I was intruding on some sort of private moment. 

Intimacy is powerful and special. See for yourself. 

Intimacy needs a come back

Senior Couple Relaxing Together In Bed

 This is what sexy intimacy looks like. 

It looks like actually enjoying the company of another person so much that you are comfortable enough to be completely at ease.

It looks like text messages that say, “I’m so glad you landed safely. How are you feeling after that flight? I was watching the air currents on the internet and I saw it was probably pretty rough. I know how much you hate airplanes.”  

It looks like folding piles of laundry while watching late night movies on the couch. 

It looks liked shared secrets and inside jokes. 

It looks like taking care of the needs of another person and allowing him/her to take care of you, too. 

It looks like spending every day with your best friend. Because that’s what it is. 

Why would we ever run away from that? Especially to turn towards something much less gratifying? 

There is a misconception floating around out there among our youth that these kinds of relationships are boring. 

They aren’t. There is nothing sexier in the world than a person who has seen you at your very worst and still chooses to love you every day anyway. 

Sex is only a small part of intimacy, but intimacy is the most important part of sex. 

Intimacy needs to come back into our relationships Intimacy

 So, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if we are to believe most of the images on tv and movies and the articles in Cosmo- we’re having sex wrong. We took the most important part away. How can that possibly be satisfying? 

The thirst will just never be quenched, because we are missing that essential part: the intimate part. 

You don’t drink beer while you run a marathon. Even though beer might seem fun and make you feel good for a minute in certain situations, it will not sustain you on a longer, more strenuous journey. 

Casual sex is like cheap beer. Intimacy with another person is like water. It sustains us through the most difficult circumstances.  

I want my children (and yours) to grow up with a healthy idea of what “sexy” means. We can’t do that until we bring the idea of intimacy back into our conversations about sex.

We can’t just have clinical discussions about which part goes where and the mechanics of how that works.

We have to recognize that part of what makes us human is our ability to form deep emotional connections. 

And then we have to give ourselves permission to do that. 

So let’s do it. 

Let’s bring intimacy back. 

 

 

 

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Just a Girl

November 3, 2014 By: Stephanie2 Comments

There is no such thing as "just a girl."

When I was in college I had several classes with a professor named Dr. Susan Barber, the head of the Women’s Studies department. Because Notre Dame is a women’s college, my classes were made entirely of, well, women. Dr. Barber had a pet peeve. Her classes were often set-up as discussions, the chairs were arranged in a circle and everyone was required to participate. She could not stand it when someone would start her sentence with the phrase “I just want to say…” Once she pointed it out, we were amazed at how often we did it. At least, I was amazed. She noted that when she taught men they never started their sentences that way. It devalues whatever point you are trying to make and implies that you need permission to state your opinion.

No one is ever “just” anything. Ladies, huddle up. We cannot continue to devalue ourselves like this.

I hear both men and women receive phone calls or text messages and tell their friends, “It’s just some girl/guy I met at a bar last night.” That makes me wince. It’s been a while now, but I will never forget being at the wedding of an old college friend. At the reception we sat around for hours listening to some of my husband’s fraternity brothers discuss their former sexual conquests. I found this incredibly disturbing for several reasons. The first reason was that several of them were in committed relationships and were at the table with their wives or long-term girlfriends. It was abundantly clear that not everyone at the table was comfortable with the conversation. (I know this, because I made it abundantly clear that I was not comfortable with the conversation, yet it continued until eventually I just got up and left.)

The second reason was that we were sitting about three feet from the groom’s parents. However, the thing that disturbed me the most was the way in which they referred to the women. In normal circumstances these are respectable men who all have college degrees, are several years out of school, have good jobs, and were brought up in upper-middle class homes by well-meaning parents, yet they talked about these women in much the same way that I’ve heard my cousins talk about hunting for deer. Only it was worse. When men talk about hunting for deer they often describe the deer using words like beautiful, stealthy, smart, etc. They remember exactly how many points were on each antler. They take pictures or mount the deer on a wall to commemorate the occasion.

When men talk about the women they have “conquered” in the form of casual sex they say things like, “Man she was hot, but she was a slut. What was her name?” or “She had great legs, but, ****, she was a ****ing bimbo.” That’s what happens when women allow themselves to be “just that girl.” I do not excuse these men for their behavior AT ALL. I think it is disgusting, and I have told them so, to their faces. But we do have some sort of mutual accountability here, ladies. Why are we allowing this to happen to ourselves? I’m not talking about being victimized (which I know happens entirely too often), I’m talking about being a willing participant in undervaluing your own self-worth. We make up half of the population, we don’t have to stand for this crap. And we don’t need to participate either. I also don’t love hearing, “It’s just that guy from the other night.”

Thankfully, I was never “just that girl,” in the casual sex aspect of the conversation, but I am guilty of something that may be worse.

I was on a plane. I was flying by myself, which I absolutely hate. A friendly man sat next to me and struck up a conversation. When he asked me what I do for a living I told him, “I’m just a mom.”  He responded, “Just a mom?! Well, that’s the hardest job in the world!”

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I disagree with that, actually. I am of the opinion that serving in the military and having to risk your life and leave your family to be deployed overseas is the hardest job in the world. Being a mom is the second hardest.

I don’t know why I phrased my response that way. I have no defense other than the fact that as women we do it all the time. Try it. Ask a few women what they do for a living. It’s pretty likely that some of them will start their answers with the phrase “I’m just a _______” and then fill in the blank.

I’m just a mom.

I’m just a homemaker.

I’m just a preschool teacher.

I’m just a student.

Then ask a few men. I can almost guarantee you that you will not hear phrases like, “I’m just an engineer.” “I’m just a dad.” or “I’m just a lawyer.” Men take a lot of pride in what they do; they don’t feel the need to devalue themselves by prefacing with the phrase “I am just.” Neither should we.

There is no such thing as “just a mom.”

There is no such thing as “just a woman.”

There is no such thing as “just a girl.”

 

And there definitely should not be such a thing as just a conquest.

People have value.

You have value.

Most importantly, our daughters have value.

And I’m making it my personal goal to make sure the whole world knows it.

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Photo credits: Stephanie Giese & Satoko Berg

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That Time I Used Glenn Beck’s Bathroom and Did Not Catch Ebola

October 30, 2014 By: Stephanie10 Comments

I know you are curious about how our trip went, right? 

First of all, let me just say that Glenn Beck and his whole staff were lovely, kind, and generous, and I’m pretty sure none of them have Ebola. 

They are also located in Dallas, which I did not know before this whole ordeal, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about flying there in the middle of the whole Ebola thing. However, after being assured by a reader who lives in that area that I would be fine as long as I didn’t lick anyone, I was feeling much better about the idea. 

Do not lick Glenn Beck. Noted. 

So Monday Meredith and I boarded a plane and we flew off to Dallas to be part of a panel of women from across North America who were going to be live on the show to discuss the sexualization of clothing for young girls, which you already know is a topic that is very important to me. (If you are new here, this is why.) 

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We had no idea what to expect, so we were pleasantly surprised to be greeted at the airport by our own driver. 

We felt super fancy. Meredith made me pose for this picture. 

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We didn’t get in until late Monday evening, so we just ordered room service for dinner, watched tv, and went to sleep in our own beds in our own rooms- which is pretty much Heaven on Earth when you are a mom with young kids.  

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The next day we did not have to be on the set until the afternoon, so we just hung out in the hotel, ordered more food, and obsessed a little too much about what we were going to wear.

A very sweet lady from Meredith’s prayer group had emailed several Bible verses with personalized messages for us, so we read them out loud and prayed together in my hotel room.

Then it was time to leave for the studio. We met Dr. Janni Aragon and Pam Rocker in the car that took us to the studio. 

 

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Once we got there, they showed us to our own dressing room, which we were totally not expecting. 

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 I don’t know what we were expecting, but it was not this: 

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Here is Meredith partaking in the fancy pants sparkling water. (Yes, she is wearing a different dress than she wore on the show. We both decided to change at the last minute.)

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We were also feeling very spoiled by the fact that we had our own bathroom in our dressing room. 

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Do you know why you need to bring your best friend with you for tv interviews whenever possible? Because somebody has to be there to hold the microphone cord when you decide you have to pee after you are already mic’ed up. (After you double check with the sound guy that no one is listening to that channel and text a friend who is a producer to triple check and make sure it is really ok.) 

We got dolled up by the make up team.

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I totally geeked out and was too shy to talk to Abigail Jones from Newsweek while she was siting next to me in makeup. But she turned out to be a very kind soul and she actually came to our dressing room  to introduce herself and talk to us for a while. 

Obviously, all of that was a lot of fun and a very cool experience, but the truth of the matter is that we were there to do important work and raise awareness. 

So, at 4pm Central Time, we walked onto the set and met Glenn Beck and the crew told us where we would each be sitting. After only about a 5 minute introduction, we just dove right in and all of a sudden we were on live tv having a very important discussion in front of a live audience full of moms. 

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I want to sincerely thank Glenn Beck and his entire crew. They worked very hard for weeks to put this panel together and I feel like this was a very important show. My favorite part of the whole day was when Glenn’s daughter came up to us afterwards and shook our hands and told us how much it meant to her that we were there. I was honored to be part of this special experience. 

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If you were not able to catch the live version of the show, The Blaze has put a few clips up on their YouTube Channel. You can watch them here, and make sure that you are following along on the Binkies and Briefcases Facebook page because I am not done with this topic, and I am excited to share an even bigger project with you very soon!

 

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Modern Motherhood: This One’s For My Girls (And Yours)

October 27, 2014 By: Stephanie13 Comments

Today I board a plane. 

Tomorrow I will be sitting on a panel of women from across North America discussing the sexualization of Halloween costumes for young girls. We’re talking with Glenn Beck, who might not be the first person who comes to mind when you think about this issue. But that is the point: to get more people involved.

To get EVERYONE involved that I possibly can.

As I pack Spanx and makeup and hair products in my suitcase, I feel the guilt and hypocrisy weigh heavy on my shoulders.

As I wish I could have lost ten or fifteen pounds before all of these television appearances started happening, and wonder about the woman sitting next to me on the panel. Will she be prettier than me? Thinner?

I was confident about my words and my message when I agreed to this trip, but not nearly as comfortable about what I should wear.

What does that say about the way we treat women? Girls? 

That I am so conditioned to worry about the way I will look and be judged that I almost forgot to be excited for this amazing opportunity. 

I know the comments will come. They already have, and they will continue. I know this, and I can handle it. 

I don’t particularly care what you think about my body or my face, but I will be damned if I let my daughters or yours grow up in a world that judges them that way without doing everything I possibly can to stop it. 

And I’ll be damned even further if I let them start doing it to themselves. 

We are planting seeds. 

The ones we nurture, they will grow.

 There is more to our girls than the way they look.   

There is more to every woman than the way that she looks. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive, put your best self forward, or even be seen as sexy, if you are a grown woman capable of making those choices for yourself. 

But that is the dilemma of modern motherhood: how do we raise girls who are confident in their bodies, who respect themselves, but also know that they are so much more than just those bodies?  

Our daughters are not accessories to dress up and put on display. 

They are scientists and teachers and artists in the making. 

They need to learn how to be recognized for who they are, not how they look. 

However, that is not the message that we send. We do not practice what we preach. 

It is not the message of the ridiculously sexualizing Halloween costumes I will be discussing tomorrow. It is not the message of the half-naked women on the magazine covers. 

But do you know what? 

It’s also not the message of the well-meaning stranger at the grocery store who asks my son what he is learning in school, then turns to my daughter and tells her she has very pretty hair, and walks away. 

It’s not the message behind, “You look so cute today! I bet that dress is great for twirling!”

Those kinds of comments may be fine in moderation, but when the conversation starts and stops with how our daughters look, what are we saying really? 

Where does the worth of a woman lie?

(Hint: Not between anyone’s sheets.)  

So, I will take my chubby arms and my one crooked tooth, and I will march onto that set tomorrow. I do not promise to be comfortable, but I promise I will show up, and I will speak up. 

For your daughters and for mine. 

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 This is only one step in a much bigger journey. There is a larger project coming, and I will need your help. If you want to get involved, please follow along on my Binkies and Briefcases Facebook page. I will be letting you in on some more secrets very soon!

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Ten Things I Learned When My Blog Post Went Viral

October 23, 2014 By: Stephanie8 Comments

Great tips for how to keep followers around and control the infulx of new blog traffic when a blog post goes viral.

Please note that this post contains affiliate links. 

I have no idea if there is a secret number of shares or likes that make a blog post count as “viral.”

But, I’m guessing that since this one was picked up by The Huffington Post, Elle.com, Redbook.com, Today.com, featured on Good Morning America, and I keep being asked to do tv and radio appearances, it is safe to officially use the “v” word now.

My social media following has quadrupled over the last few weeks and my pageviews shot up into the hundreds of thousands over night. I’m trying my best to respond to every email and Facebook message personally, but there have been thousands, so I really am very sorry if I have missed a few.

I don’t know if this post will be of any interest to my regular blog readers, but I know there are other writers out there who are curious about exactly what happens when a blog post goes viral. I can only speak from my own experience, but here is my list of Ten Things I Learned When My Blog Post Went Viral:

  1. Get Yourself A Good Hosting Company: Now. My blog crashed several times during the first few days that the post was starting to gain popularity. I had previously been on a shared server and the extra traffic kept crashing it. I cannot thank A Small Orange enough for all of the time they spent on the phone with me, transferring me to my own VPS hosting, helping me set up CloudFlare, and just remaining patient, calm, and working fast behind the scenes while I freaked out. (UPDATE: since this post was written, we have switched out hosting to Servously.) 
  2. Set Up Google DFP or join a network like The Blogger Network. I don’t care what your page views are. I don’t care if the “experts” say to wait until you have at least 200K views per month. Just go ahead and set up DFP right now. I did have AdSense ads on my blog, but I literally lost thousands of dollars because I did not have DFP (DoubleClick For Publishers) set up before I went viral. It’s a giant pain in the butt and it takes a lot of time, but just do it. Ironically, I had tried to hire someone to set up DFP for me before, but he told me that it would be a waste of his time and my money until my pageviews were higher. Guess who was wrong? Yeah, that guy. Just do it now.
  3. Choose Your Words Very Carefully. I used the word “partnership” in that blog post because Target did, in fact, offer to work with me as a consumer. Although, they did not put me on their pay roll or make specific promises to change any designs, only to take in feedback from me and my audience. We had several phone calls, they gave me a direct line to their PR department, they offered to set up a phone call between me and one of their designers, and to send samples. In my mind, “partnership” is a perfectly decent word to describe that situation, and I was thrilled that they were willing to be open to a relationship with consumers. In the minds of large retailers, not so much. I don’t think they were thrilled that I used that word. (Actually, I’m quite sure they weren’t thrilled.) I’ve had to make several statements since to the tune of “I am NOT working FOR Target.” I’m not working for anyone, actually. And, for the moment, I intend to keep it that way so that I can continue to address this issue without any sort of conflict of interest.
  4. Most People Are Really Nice. Of the thousands of emails and comments I have received, the majority have been overwhelmingly supportive. Thank you all so much for taking the time to reach out and make me feel like I am making a difference! This has been my favorite part of this whole experience.
  5. Some People Are Not So Nice, And Some Are Just Plain Ol’ Crazy. I don’t mind when people disagree with me respectfully and use well thought-out arguments. I will happily publish comments that offer differing opinions. However, this space on the internet is mine. I pay for it. I own it. So, yes, if your comments are attacking me, my children, or other readers, and I see them, I will take them down or just not publish them in the first place. If I wouldn’t let you say it to my face in my house, I’m not publishing your comment on my blog, and I will ban you from my Facebook page. Not sorry. See below for an example. (I apologize for the language. This was a relativity mild one. I’d also like to note that I actually did publish the first one, so the new more hateful one wasn’t even necessary.)moderating comments
  6.  People Do Not Understand Copyright Laws. The words and pictures on my blog and everyone else’s are protected by copyright. I created this content, so I own it in much the same way that a small business owner who was selling handmade items in a brick and mortar store would own the items in their shop. You are welcome to take a few sentences of someone’s blog post, quote them, and link back to the original post. It’s even fairly common practice to share one picture (with permission) and give that person credit for their work. But please do not take my entire post, copy it, and paste it into your own blog because you “love it so much.” It penalizes both of us in terms of search engine optimization and it’s illegal. So, just don’t do that. Please.
  7. You Never Know Which Post Will Be “The One” for You. When I walked into Target and pulled a tape measure off the shelf, I had NO IDEA how much attention that post was going to get. There was no way I could have known it was going to be on the national morning show in Canada, or translated into German, or that I would be hearing from parents in Australia and Ireland. I have been blogging for 5 years on this little corner of the internet. In two weeks, it blew up and all of the sudden I was “The Mom Who Took on Target” and Good Morning America was in my living room. It has been a crazy ride.
  8. Do Not Stop There. Have An End Game In Mind. Once it becomes clear that something you wrote has struck a nerve, don’t just stop. Since my new audience seemed so interested in finding more modest clothing options for their daughters, the very first things I did were to start this Pinterest board and the #ModestMavens hashtag and Stamp of Approval. I am reviewing clothing from large and small retailers, but I am not accepting any sort of monetary payment for these reviews because I want those reviews to stay fair and unbiased. 
  9.  Let Your Writing Speak For Itself  No matter how many nasty comments come up on pages like The Huffington Post or other large websites, do not jump into that conversation. Just stay out of it. Detach yourself from the comments and discussions, unless it is just to offer a quick “Thank you so much for sharing my piece!” on someone’s Facebook page. Other people will jump in to defend you, your job as a writer is just to start the conversation. Besides, polarizing views can actually be good for you. Whether people are sharing your piece because they think you are brilliant and you touched their hearts, or because they are asking their friends, “Can you believe this idiot?” they are still sharing it. And that is ultimately good for you.
  10. Surround Yourself With People You Can Trust. This is true in pretty much any aspect of life, but be very wary if you are standing in the middle of a media blitz and people start reaching out and asking you to do things. Some of these opportunities might seem amazing, but take a minute to step back and reflect and talk to people you have known for years, who are familiar with this business, and can offer you solid advice. And remember, “No.” is still an acceptable answer.

 To follow the Pinterest board I started for cute and less revealing clothing for little girls, you can click here: 

Follow Stephanie {Binkies and Briefcases} ‘s board Cute and Modest Options for Girls on Pinterest.

I’m still not entirely sure that it has been revealed to me yet why exactly all of this is happening to me, but I am grateful that it is and I hope that this post and the others here on the blog are able to help all of you in some way.

Thank you again for all of your support in this crazy journey!

You may also like:

Practical advice for writers who want to get their work published. There are some great tips here!

 

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Our Love Story

October 19, 2014 By: Stephaniecomment

Real life love stories: A  ten part series about how a pair of high school sweethearts  found their way back to eachother

Who doesn’t love a great love story?

No one, that’s who.

I know I love reading other people’s real-life love stories on their blogs. Real life is messy, but it is fun to see how people got to their happy endings eventually. So last year, while my husband was on his mission trip to Africa, I sat down every day for ten days in a row and wrote out a part of our love story. I did it partly so that I could share it with all of you, and mostly so that he could read it from halfway around the world.

Since that time last year, those posts have been buried deep inside the blog, so I just wanted to create this post to keep them all in one place. I used to have a tab at the top of the blog where you could find all of the posts, but when I re-did the design, some things had to give. So, if you are one of those people like me who likes to get caught up real-life love, here you go. This is the story of two teenagers who were not perfect. They fell in love, hit a few bumps along the way, then grew up and got married. It’s our story.

 

Part 1: The First Kiss

Part 2: The Serial Killer and the Candy

Part 3: Dance Recitals and PDA

Part 4: I Love You

Part 5: Hormones

Part 6: Male Cheerleaders

Part 7: And Then He Dumped Me

Part 8: I Am Not A Patient Woman

Part 9: Frat Parties and Forgiveness

Part 10: I Do

 

 

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Fall Photos and a Teaser

October 17, 2014 By: Stephanie1 Comment

You guys…shhh…don’t tell anyone yet, but

I am working on something amazing behind the scenes and I might need your help in a few weeks. Yes, it does have to do with this. I will let you know more as soon as I can. All I can say right now is that it is time for the voices of moms to be heard, and I will do everything in my power to get them out there, but I’m not going to be able to do it without you.

In the meantime, in the midst of a media firestorm, things have actually been pretty normal around here. That is one of the great parts about living in Amish Country. People will celebrate your accomplishments with you, but life goes on just the same and no one treats anyone any differently.

So, even though our story has made its way onto The Huffington Post and into Elle and Redbook and Today.com, and Good Morning America, and even crossed the borders to the UK, Canada, and Australia, I’m still here washing dishes, changing diapers, and doing my thing being a mom and a wife. 

The kids couldn’t care less about any of it. They are just having fun being kids, which is exactly the way it should be.

So, my apologies to Good Morning America, but this was actually the highlight of our October so far:

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I cannot thank you enough for your continued support along this crazy journey!

If anyone had told me just a few weeks ago that I was going to go from being a middle school teacher, to being diagnosed with a brain lesion, to becoming international news, I would have looked at them like they had three heads. This still does not feel quite like my story. It is almost like watching it happen to someone else.

I have no idea where God is planning to take us now, but I’m starting to get a clearer picture, and I think that maybe this is just the beginning. We will ride this wave together as far as it will take us, and I am so glad to have the opportunity to bring you along with me!

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Welcome! I’m Steph.

This is a little corner of the internet we like to fill with honesty, heart, and humor. Read More…

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Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese

Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese

Stephanie Giese is an indie author based in Florida. She writes stories about realistic problems with humor, heart, and sass. Her work has a strong focus on mental health and consent. Her North Bay small-town romance series is set for release in 2025.

Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese

3 months ago

Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese
I know it’s a small thing, but I believe small things can add up to big changes. my entire North Bay series, including Out of Left Field, Right as Rain, and Way Off Base, is free on Kindle from Jan. 30-Feb. 3. Please take the funds you might have spent on my books this week and reallocate them toward the areas in our country that need them the most. Follow creators like Dad Chats who can direct you toward practical needs local to them. I hope my quirky romcoms can bring you some comfort and joy during difficult times, and I hope together we can take small, practical steps toward big changes. ... See MoreSee Less

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Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese

3 months ago

Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese
I know there is an overall feeling of helplessness in our country right now. So many of us are at a loss for what to do beyond making phone calls and social media posts (which are still important, but can feel like not enough). I believe strongly in the power of small things adding up to big ones. As one person, I might not be able to do much, but what I CAN do is use my voice and my books to work toward the change I’d like to see. That’s why, for the next five days, from Jan. 30-Feb 3, I’m making the Kindle versions of my entire North Bay series (Out of Left Field, Right as Rain, and Way Off Base) completely free. Art has power, and I do hope these comedies can bring you some comfort and joy in difficult times, but most importantly, I also hope you’ll consider redirecting the funds you might’ve spent on my books and donating instead to one of the many charities working tirelessly in our cities right now. If you are located in an area like Minnesota or Portland, please use the space below to make people aware of the organizations in your area that need help. ... See MoreSee Less
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ALL I Never Knowed: The Book Is Here!

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to my Email Newsletter. Thanks for visiting!Welcome back! Be sure to check out my Email Newsletter. Thanks for visiting!It’s finally here, in my hands. It has been a loooong time in the making, but our book, All I Never Knowed: Mental Illness, a Mother’s Love, and […]

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Save Money with Fetch

Hey everyone! This is Chelsea, Steph’s asistant, back with the simplest app for getting cash back on things you’re already buying! We’ve covered Ibotta, Shopkick, Coupons.com, Swagbucks and we’re all saving hundreds of dollars by now, right? RIGHT!? I’m really hoping you guys have jumped on the rebate app savings train because it’s just so […]

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Splendid Spoon Review

I was excited to receive a box of products to try from Splendid Spoon this summer! They invited me to try their line of plant-based, ready-to-eat foods and delivered them right to my door. Check one in the pro column for convenience. I did receive these products free of charge in order to rate them […]

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