You Won’t Be the Mom You Thought You’d Be

I was the first of my close friends to become a mom and now several of them have started to join me in this stage of life. While I have just added my third, they are on baby number one or two and lately, a few friends have come to me and said things like “How are you doing this? Why does it look so easy for you, but I feel like I’m drowning with just one?”

So I share my secret with them: Three is much easier than one. The first is hard, the second is harder (there’s no such thing as “sleep when the baby sleeps” when there is also a toddler) but according to my limited experience and everyone I’ve talked to so far with more than two, it gets much easier after that.

The work doesn’t get easier. You just learn how to function without a full night of sleep. The housework can wait until the weekend, but the windows probably won’t get washed again, like, ever. Most importantly, you’ve learned who you are as a mom and you can stop battling with your previous expectations.

You’ve heard the expression “I was a better mom before I had kids.” Well actually, I think I was just a different mom before I had kids. There are some things I thought would be non-negotiable that I no longer care about at all, and there are some things that I never imagined I’d do that wound up coming very naturally. And sometimes I contradict myself and it’s ok.

When we first met Nicholas it was in a McDonald’s. He was 13 months old and his foster mom was letting him chew on a french fry. Later when Eddie and I were talking I was all, “I don’t want our kids eating fast food.” I only bought Morning Star ‘chicken’ nuggets (they’re actually made out of vegetable protein) and I took off the breading before I served them. Now my kids eat tons of french fries because drive thus are easy.

I was always the self-proclaimed worst gardener in the history of the universe and I had NO intention of ever growing food, but now we have our own organic vegetable garden and fruit tree because something has to balance out all those french fries. It never even occurred to me pre-children that it was something we should focus on, but turns out one of the most important things to me in my mission of motherhood is to give my kids a healthy understanding of food, even if they do eat kids meals one or two or maybe three times a week.

I’d never even heard of home canning, but this past year I put up peach slices, peach butter, peach honey, and applesauce.

I fully intended to be using cloth diapers for Abby. I have a whole bunch in her bottom drawer still. As it turns out, cloth diapering totally sucks. (no offense if that is your choice.)

I thought I’d breastfeed Abby but just wasn’t able for medical reasons. I thought I wouldn’t be able to nurse Penny either for those same reasons, but that’s going great. Go figure.

I never intended to make my own baby food, but I did. Because it turns out mashing up a banana or sweet potato with a fork is just as good as using those fancy food mills and it’s cheaper and has no preservatives, unlike those nasty little jars.

I never thought I’d have a child who struggled with reading but I do.

I never thought I’d have a child who is still struggling with the potty at age 5, but I do.

I never thought we’d co-sleep, but we do. On the couch. For almost 3 months now. Because you learn to do what works.

I never, ever, ever thought I would spank a child. Ever. But I have.

I never thought I’d buy clothes for my kids from a thrift store. Done it. (Still can only do clothes new with tags, but still, I’ve done it.)

I thought Kate Gosselin was ridiculous when I saw an interview where she said she didn’t allow her kids to play with markers because of the mess. My kids only own Color Wonder markers.

I thought I’d always be a dog lover. I used to take my dog to doggie daycare because I didn’t want her to be lonely during the day. We bought a second dog to keep her company. Once we had kids my first precious dog went to another family who could give her more attention and I literally wanted to shoot our current dog when all she did was sniff my baby the day we brought her home from the hospital.

I never minded taking kids I babysat to places like Chuck E Cheese. As a parent, I HATE Chuck E Cheese with a passion that burns deep in my soul.

I never thought I’d be a “Bible thumper” but there are times when we are at church 4 days out of the week.

I know it isn’t what you thought it would be. That’s ok. It might not seem like it right now, but eventually, it will be better than you thought it would be.

Like Tuesday morning. I was busy getting the snack together for our Mom N Me group and my kids were playing in the kitchen. Well, Nick was trying to play and Abby was being extremely annoying and constantly taking toys out of his hands. What I thought he would do is smack her, or at the very least come to tattle. What he actually did was ask me, “Mommy, do you know what my verse is this week? Bear with each other and be patient.” (Ephesians 4:2)

Touche, little man.

So, that is my advice to you, brand new moms. When you aren’t the mom you thought you’d be. When you are no longer the same wife you thought you were. When you haven’t yet learned to love your brand new baby the way you thought you would.

Bear with each other and be patient.

It gets easier.