Binkies and Briefcases

Ok, here is the deal:

Background:
I know I’ve mentioned on this blog before that our 3-year-old son has a lot of issues. Specifically, he has a sensory processing disorder that is similar to an autistic child. (but he is not autistic because he does not have any social issues.) So basically certain textures really bother him and he is very particular about some stuff, like the way his blankets are arranged on top of him at night and he also has sensory-seeking behaviors, like throwing himself into walls. But that is the small issue.

The big issue is that he “probably” (only in quotation marks because psychologists are hesitant to give the diagnosis based on his age, he actually has every marker for this disorder) has Reactive Attachment Disorder. This is not unusual for kids who have been adopted out of foster care. It means that he has trouble bonding to us as his parents, specifically to me as his mother, and he has A LOT of rage and resentment in his little body.

So that leads to behaviors like throwing chairs at windows, trying to smother his baby sister, attacking the dog, toppling the television, smearing poop, biting, kicking, scratching, and other unpleasantness when he is alone with me. When he is around other people, especially people he doesn’t know well, he is usually the sweetest well-mannered little boy you’ve ever met.

Now, we knew this was a possibility going into this adoption and we accept and love our son very much. But I have run out of ideas.

What I’ve Tried so Far:
–Enrolling him in Early Intervention (it’s a government program for children with special needs)
-Occupational Therapy
-Play Therapy
-Psychoanalysis
-Reading biblical and secular parenting books
-Taking parenting classes through our church and the community
-Talking to the pediatrician
-sticker charts
-weighted vest
-heavy blankets
-a gluten free diet
-time outs
-spanking (at the recommendation of the pediatrician !?!)
-trying to enroll him in art & music therapy, but I was told he is too young.

The Problem:
Nothing works. Like, nothing. At all. No matter what I do it continues to get worse.

And so…
If anyone has dealt with these kinds of behaviors and has specific books or techniques that have worked for you I would love to hear from you because I am officially at my wits end. Giving up is not an option, but I can’t just tread water until he turns 18, which is what it feels like we are doing at this point just to keep him safe from himself.

If you have any suggestions please email me at stephaniegiese@aim.com

Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was honored that Lori from Life as Lori chose to feature two of my projects today! She is also hosting a link party for other crafts, so if you get a minute head on over and check it out!

Right now my husband is in Virginia at Shenandoah National Park because his job as a highway engineer has taken him on a 3-month-long journey along the east cost to inspect these guard walls.

So he is here:

I stole these pictures from his Facebook page, isn’t it beautiful?

And I am in central PA dealing with this:

and this

Yes, earlier this morning Nicholas climbed the entertainment center and the top shelf fell down causing the television, the dvd player and the satellite receiver to come crashing down. I swear that boy is hiding horseshoes in his Pull-Ups because the fact that he did not get hurt and nothing broke is nothing short of miraculous. I had to call my friend Rebecca and ask her to come over with her daughter so we could clumsily try to put this mess back together while three toddlers ran around the living room.

I am trying hard not to be jealous and resentful and throw myself a big ole pity party because it is only going to get worse over the course of the next few months. Because we have a son with a severe attachment disorder stemming from his time in foster care (which is not because his foster mom was not amazing, because she was.) who goes around the house at midnight “looking for fathers” now that his daddy is gone, who won’t sleep at night unless one of our guy friends spends some quality time with him during the day, who has started smearing poop on the furniture again since Eddie left, who asks me on an almost daily basis if he can “go live at daddy’s new house” because he doesn’t understand that this situation is not permanent, and who has such rage in his little body that at 3 years old he can topple a television that is so heavy that I can’t pick it back up by myself.

I understand that Eddie would much rather be here and that he feels guilty and awful about what Nick is going through. His role right now is to provide for our family and my role right now is to look after these children…

But REALLY???!!!

I am not trying to sound unappreciative because we really have received a lot of help from family and friends who have been so gracious to take care of our yard work, babysit for a few hours, invite us to diner, and help me put the entertainment center back together, but no matter what anyone does they just can’t take the place of a spouse.

I just simply cannot do very basic things like cook, do the laundry, keep the house clean when there are therapy appointments, preschool meetings, dog baths, and toppled televisions to deal with.

Last night after the kids were asleep I watched a Lifetime called the 19th wife. Afterward I joked on the phone with Eddie that maybe polygamy wasn’t such a bad idea because with my husband gone what I really need right now is a wife.