Binkies and Briefcases

Unless you live under a rock, you have probably been hearing about the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy everywhere the past few weeks. Apparently there’s a movie deal now and they were recently released in print. It’s topping the best seller lists and it’s being banned from a few libraries. Whenever I hear a book is being banned from libraries I cringe inside and then I have to read it. I hate the idea of being told what I can and cannot read. It just seems so very un-American. Can’t they just put a rating or a warning label on it like a cd or a movie?

There seemed to be very polarizing reviews, people either loved it or hated it. So I wanted to read the books and make up my own mind.(warning: spoilers and graphic language ahead)

I have to say I didn’t think the first book was that great. Actually I thought it was pretty awful. It reminded me a lot of Twilight and at the time I didn’t even know it had started out as Twilight fan fiction. I actually said to my husband, “Apparently all you have to do to write a popular series is create an awkward brunette heroine who falls for a guy who is no good for her. This is just like Twilight without the supernatural stuff and with a lot of sex.”

And there was a lot of sex. To the point that I got bored and stared skipping the sex scenes. Not because I’m a prude, but because they just got really repetitive and I didn’t find them nearly as shocking as they were advertised to be. Maybe it’s my age and a generation gap with other readers, but it is not shocking to me that these things exist and it doesn’t bother me if people want to use sex toys in consensual, monogamous, adult relationships, which is exactly what happens in the books. (Though it’s a different story when people want to advertise those kinds of toys on the bulletin board at my kids’ preschool, right Michele?) I did find it mildly educational at times because I am not at all familiar with the world of S&M. Oh that’s how people use those things…It sort of takes you back to being a teenager and discretely reading Cosmo articles that make you blush. 

There was pretty much no plot whatsoever in the first book (Girl meets boy, finds out boy is freaky, they get freaky together, then they do it again, and again, and again, the end.) which was the reason I kept reading and started the second book. I was curious how in the world this could possibly be a trilogy.  

A lot of people are criticizing the poor writing. I didn’t think it was that bad. I thought the character development was surprisingly good for what I expected of the genre (this being my first and probably only glimpse into the world of erotica) and each book got progressively better in terms of a plot line. I actually enjoyed the last book (which, incidentally, had the least sex) I thought the email conversations were really cute. It did get annoying that it often seemed like the author wrote with a thesaurus on her lap, throwing around words nobody ever uses, although her vocabulary was completely lacking for words to describe genitalia. Seriously. No one calls it “my sex.” 

Also, at first the whole inner goddess vs. subconscious thing was totally annoying, but then I got used to it.  

Some people are upset that this book puts women in a subservient position. Those people didn’t read the books. Ana is a strong female character and never allows herself to be put in that position, except during sex and it’s 100% consensual. Also not all the “doms” are men. I appreciated that she had the cojones to leave (so very un-Bella Swan of her) although I thought the context of her leaving was just plain stupid. I want you to spank me. Wait? I can’t believe you just did that. That hurt. I’m leaving you.

Some people are upset because it’s basically mainstream pornography. Not gonna lie. It totally is. Except it’s in your imagination (at least until the movie comes out) I don’t know if that makes it any different. I feel kind of guilty that I read it. It was very very very dirty and you should not under any circumstances let anyone under the age of 18 anywhere near these books. I wanted to ask my friends if they read it, but I was too embarrassed that I had read it in the first place to ask them and I don’t know that I would go recommending it to anyone. (So instead I’ll blog about it so the whole world knows.)

I have heard that a lot of women are reading it with their husbands and apparently it’s beneficial to their relationship. I did ask Eddie if it bothered him that I wanted to read it and he didn’t care. If he didn’t want me to read it I would have respected that.

I actually found it very intriguing that Ana was able to find a balance between being submissive, but not “a submissive,”  to her husband (they get married eventually) and being an assertive modern woman. I think that’s a theme that speaks to many married woman, myself included, although most of us live out this struggle internally and not in the “red room of pain.” I guess that’s why it’s being dubbed “Mommy porn.”

The real reason, as weird as it sounds, that I wanted to finish the series is that the more I found out about Christian the more he reminded me of my worst fears for my son and I very much appreciated that Ana was able to bring him out of that dark place and be a light for him. As the series progressed, I read it relating more to Grace, Christian’s adoptive mom, than to Ana.

Although Nicholas did not suffer the abuse in early childhood that Christian did, their beginning of life and subsequent attachment issues are very similar. Every time Nicholas is violent towards me or his sister (something we are really striving to work on these days) I pray for the women he will date and the woman he will marry. I hope she is like Ana.  It was refreshing to have a female character who could believably balance unconditional love while simultaneously sticking up for her “hard limits.”

I like a happy ending (no pun  intended) so my favorite part of the whole thing was the epilogue. That being said, had I been the writer I probably would have offed at least one of the characters, probably Ray after the accident. As it stands, that accident didn’t really seem to serve much of a purpose. I was assuming it was connected to the rest of the car chasing/kidnapping plot, but it wasn’t. I guess  it was supposed to teach Ana the fragility of life, but I think that would’ve been better accomplished if he had died. Whatever, I’m not sure the author even put that much thought into it.

So, to sum up, basically, my opinion is the fist book is total smut but necessary for context, the second book gets better, and the third book is pretty good, albeit completely predictable. 

So, are you willing to admit you read it? Thoughts if you did?

Remember when I told you I don’t believe in extravagant birthday parties for kids? It’s time for me to eat my words, but it’s ok because they were delicious. They came in the form of scones, french tea, caviar, and gold leaf on decadent desserts.

In my defense, it was all their idea idea. 

 I can’t resist both of them. The one on the right is my best friend from childhood, Lauren. We’ve been friends for over 20 years. Now Lauren is a successful business woman in D.C. and we’re very proud of her. She’s Abby’s godmother and she wanted to do something special for Abby’s birthday and I wasn’t about to stop her.

 So Lauren made reservations and treated us to a real-life tea party at the Ritz Carlton! Oh, la la.

We had finger sandwiches (Abby’s were peanut butter & jelly and ham & cheese)

 and individual tea selections (Abby got her own tea pot and cup with apple juice)

 and a 3 tier tray of desserts to share, plus Abby got her own small plate and a “birthday cake” that was really a giant pile of whipped cream and strawberries.

 She was loving it

 They had a piano man who played Happy Birthday, You Are My Sunshine, and Once Upon a Dream just for her. She repayed him by dancing and twirling next to the piano.

 At first we were worried that we had made a bad choice and it wasn’t going to be an appropriate place for her, but she was very well-mannered for the most part and a few ladies even came over from other tables to compliment her behavior. 

The staff was great with her. They gave her a stuffed lion, their mascot, dressed up like a princess and were very patient and accommodating. They seemed genuinely excited to have a little girl come to their afternoon tea. 

 Then we headed over to the American Girl store in Tysons Corner, VA

 As you would probably expect, Abby wanted everything she laid eyes on.

I am a big fan of American Girl. At one point I had the entire historical collection, but then they just kept adding more dolls and I couldn’t keep up. I passed down my Molly doll to Abby a few days ago and the plan had been that we would bring Molly on our trip and she would come to our tea party and Abby could pick out a new outfit for her. (That’s why I love these dolls. Molly is about 20 years old and is still perfectly playable except her limbs could could probably use a once-over with the magic eraser.)

We looked all around at the accessories and even found some that reminded us of our fancy tea party.

I’d been saving up for the Ruthie doll (the brunette) to have as a keepsake to remind me of my Mommom. I was very close to her and she passed away a few years ago. Her name was also Ruth, and the Ruthie doll is from the Great Depression era, which makes her the same age as my Mommom. Plus she comes in a purple dress, which was Mommom’s favorite color.

Except we forgot to bring Molly. Oops. Once we got there I knew there was no way I could bring a three year old into a doll store and buy a doll for myself but not her and then not let her play with it. I could almost hear Mommom’s voice in my head. I knew exactly what she would have said about that. “Oh (and then she’d wave her hand, purse her lips, and turn her head to the side) don’t buy a doll just to sit on a shelf on my account. If you have the money for a doll, you should spend it on a child.” 

I’d still like to have the Ruthie doll, but this day was about Abby, so instead we picked out a My American Girl doll that looked just like her. Abby named her doll Ava.

Abby loves Ava. There is something very special to a little girl about having a doll that looks like her.

We also checked out a few more stores in Tyson’s corner and took Abby to the play area.

On the way home we asked Abby what her favorite part was and she said, “I had a great day. I don’t know my favorite part!”