Let’s rewind…
Way back when in our potty training Nicholas phase, I told our son that if he would just pee and poop on the potty he could wear big boy underwear AND he could have any kind he wanted. Superman undies, Thomas the Train, Mickey Mouse, whatever his little heart desired.
Do you know which superhero the kid asked for?
Tom Selleck.
He has a brief mention in the Disney movie Meet the Robinsons (That’s a favorite at our house. Adorable, quirky little misfit gets adopted by embarrassingly weird but loving family. Sound familiar?) Anyway, Nick heard his name and all of the sudden Tom Selleck was bigger than Buzz Lightyear around here. What can I say, the kid has good taste.
I was on the fence about whether it would be awesomely cool or super pervy to put the Mustache Man on a two-year-old’s underwear, plus I’m super lazy, so my poor, deprived son never got the Tom Selleck underwear he so desired.
We were reminiscing recently about how funny it was that Nick actually wanted Tom Selleck underwear and I got an idea.
You know who IS allowed to have Tom Selleck underwear? Grown azz women, that’s who. (And when I say “grown azz” I am referring to both the age and size of my badonkadonk. I’m also trying to keep it classy by substituting the z’s. You can see from the pictures below that I like to always stay classy.)
What better way to make granny panties cool again (ok, maybe they weren’t really ever cool in the first place, but now they have potential) than to add a picture of the King of Cool?
I drew a sketch of Tom Selleck.
Then I traced it onto the back of a pair of granny panties. The big maternity ones.
And then I made my husband take the most unflattering picture of me that ever existed and while doing so he said it looked like I had a Tom Selleck tramp stamp. (P.S. If you are in the market for a tramp stamp, Tom Selleck=way cooler than butterflies or squiggly swirly lines.)
You know your underwear is (are? Egads, what verb do I use?) going to be hanging out when you bend down to tie your kid’s shoe. This is how you own it.
Then my friend Wendy lovingly made the observation that my version of Tom Selleck looks like the Unabomber. Thanks, Wendy. There goes my idea to mass market them via Etsy shop.
Sigh.
The world is just not ready for all that awesome.
I guess it’s just you and me, Tom.
Linking to Finding the Funny
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