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Moms Are People Too

July 16, 2013 By: Stephanie7 Comments

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Can you see me standing here?

You probably heard my brood coming before you saw us. You saw my son’s energy and told him you wished you could bottle it up, commented on the blonde curls my daughters share, said they look like their mommy. Maybe you even told them that their mommy has her hands full. You talked to them and only them. 

I’m still standing here.

But you are talking to them.

“What’s your name, sweetie? How old are you? Can I have some of your curls?” (Which, by the way, is a very creepy thing to ask a small child who is now envisioning you coming after her to steal her hair. We’ve seen Tangled.)

I still exist.

I think.  

Sometimes as a mom of small kids it is hard to tell. I can very easily go a day or two (or three) walking around in public and never once have another adult acknowledge my presence. Invisibility, thy name is motherhood.

It happens even when the children are not there. When I am standing next to my husband and you say, “Hi Eddie!” and wave and walk away without noticing me.

Do you see the look I share with him as you walk away? The one that says, “See? I told you. It happens every day!” as I roll my eyes to Heaven and smile in disbelief. 

It happens at dinner parties and reunions. You just don’t know what to say to a woman who is no longer a woman, but a mom. Surely, a full-time mom must not have opinions about current events or the state of education. Certainly, she cannot be engaged in conversation while she is breast (or bottle) feeding. What is there to talk about if she can no longer talk about work? So she ceases to exist. She sits quietly at the table and pretends to be engaged and listening. But if you take the time to look at her you will notice that her slumped shoulders have very little to do with the posture required to feed a baby.

In five years as a full-time mom, I have learned to assert myself. To be the one who starts the conversation, even if I have a breastfeeding infant under a blanket. To look into eyes and not look away, but to hold that gaze until they acknowledge me. To stop having conversations through my children and give adults clues that it is, in fact, okay to talk to me as they would any other peer.

Stranger (to my daughter): I see Dora on your shirt. Do you like to watch Dora on tv?

My daughter will hide behind me, shy, and expect me to speak on her behalf, which I will, so as not to be rude to the stranger and also not force my daughter to participate in a situation that makes her uncomfortable. 

Former me would have looked at my daughter and said, “Yes. Dora’s our favorite,” maybe smiled politely, and walked away.  

But that is a lie because Dora is not “our” favorite. It is her favorite because she is the four-year-old and I am not. Now I can look into the eyes of an adult and say, “Our girls do like Dora, but when we get some grown-up time I’ve been watching Band of Brothers with my husband on DVD. My grandfather was in Normandy and it’s been really interesting getting some perspective on what his experiences in the army might have been like. Plus, it’s a Tom Hanks project, so you know it’s really good. Do you like Tom Hanks?” 

Who doesn’t like Tom Hanks? 

I can also pipe up and say “Hi Dave/Bill/Rob/Whoever!” and look into their eyes and smile after they address my husband and not me. 

These are not hard things to do, but they take some getting used to. Because now it falls on me to make sure that I am seen. My simple presence is no longer enough. I will not be seen until I am heard.

It is very strange to transition from being a conventionally attractive woman with a promising career to a full-time mom with a body that is nothing but average in every statistical sense of the word.  

I used to be noticed for how I looked, for what people could see on the outside.

Maybe it’s not a bad thing. After all, when I was a cheerleader and a skinny blonde I always said I wished people would notice me for my mind and not my boobs. 

Now people painstakingly attempt to ignore my (even larger) boobs, along with the babies that are occasionally attached to them. Now I have to use my brain and my mouth to get attention.

But please do me a favor. If you run into a mom of young children who hasn’t come to this place yet, the place where she is comfortable asserting her existence, just look at her. Ask her what her name is, where she is from, and what she likes to do. Acknowledge that she is there and that her presence alone makes her good enough to engage in conversation. She might need the reminder.  

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Building the Dream:Ikea Kitchen Plans

July 15, 2013 By: Stephanie1 Comment

I forgot to update you on the status of our Ikea kitchen. I know you’ve been holding your breath, right. 😉

We did decide to take the plunge and order our cabinets from Ikea. They had the best warranty we could find and their prices saved us almost $3,000, which means I can get a nicer counter top than the builder-grade laminate that was originally in our quote AND we can add a wet bar to a different area of the house and still stay on budget.

We are currently storing them in approximately 80 million different places and slowly putting one cabinet at a time together as the builder works on finishing our roof. We were rained out several days last week and now we’re in the middle of a killer heat wave. The weather just won’t cut us a break and is making our progress much slower than we originally anticipated.

There is no way we are going to be in by late August, like we originally hoped. At the start of construction, we were given a four month schedule. We started in late April.  This weeks marks the start of month 4. That ain’t happening. At least with the roof coming together, it is finally starting to look like a house.

house with roof

Sigh. I’m just SO ready to be settled. I may or may not have had a mini break down last night (totally did) complaining that Penny is only 18 months old and she will have lived in 4 different places by the time our house is finally ready. Between our last house, which we had to sell before we could start construction, living with the in-laws for 7 months, this temporary apartment where we are for the time being, and eventually our forever house-which I am never leaving, ever-that is a lot of bouncing for a baby. For all of us, really. I’m over it.

We know it will be worth it in a very short while when we can finally go home and stay there. FOREVER.

We’re trying to stay positive and focus on things we can control, like the kitchen. Our kitchen is smack in the middle of our house and open to just about every living space, so it’s a crucial part of the design.

kitchen plans

I used Ikea’s online kitchen planner and worked with a very helpful and knowledgeable designer in the store. She talked us through a lot of things, like how to adjust the cabinet that will hold our oven so that it could have more drawer space and save us money on parts, and how much clearance should be on top pf the refrigerator, etc.

We decided to order our cabinets, sinks, and all of the appliances except the frig from Ikea. At first, I thought I would go with different appliances because I didn’t want that “Ikea showroom look.” The more I thought about it, the more that seemed like a dumb reason to miss out on the opportunity to save 20% on my appliances (since we were placing a large order during the kitchen sale) and get appliances that came with a better warranty than the other ones we were looking at. Especially since I actually think the Ikea showroom kitchens look pretty nice in the store. However, I hated all of their refrigerator options, so we bought our frig from hhgregg at the same time that we ordered our washer and dryer. 

We want a solid surface counter top and found Ikea’s counter options to be really over-priced, even at the sale price. (Unless you want butcher block, then they are a great option!) We will probably go with acrylic or granite or a mix of both, for the island and main area, from Lowes or Home Depot when it is time to install the counter.

That’s why in my design you don’t see a counter.

I won’t be able to decide on hardware or a back splash until I choose a counter top, but for now, this is what we decided for the kitchen:

ikea kitchen plan

We will build a custom range hood, like this one from Miss Mustard seed. Eventually. There’s that word again. It seems a lot of things will happen eventually.

I don’t plan to paint the kitchen blue (but never say never) I just did that in the program so I could see contrast between the cabinets and the walls. I like the 3D view because  it gives a better perspective of what it will feel like in real life. Again, this version is missing the counter and refrigerator because we bought those from different places. The Ikea planner only shows what you will buy from the Ikea store. That white wall on the right isn’t there in real life. That space is totally open to the living room. The doorway next to the oven is open to the dining room.

We will have hardwood floors like the picture, which I am a little nervous about for practicality, since we have very small kids, a dog, and this room is directly off the pool. But it was much cheaper than tile and because of the location of the kitchen if we went with another option there would be 3 or 4 different flooring materials coming together in this area. We decided to go with wood because we like the look, it’s cheaper than title, and it kept the flow going through the house. It should also be a little easier on my back than tile would be. (I have serious back issues.)

ikea kitchen

Eddie is planning to fill in the space on the top of the cabinets with plywood and molding to make it appear that they go all the way to the ceiling. I’m hoping that little wine shelf can be converted into cookbook storage instead because we don’t have that much wine to display and the wine we do have can go in the wet bar area. 

I think my favorite part about going with an Ikea kitchen was that they offer a very affordable double bowl farmhouse sink with a 25 year warranty, so I did get my farmhouse sink after all. (If you follow me on Facebook, you might remember that we had previously agreed that the more expensive options we looked at weren’t going to be worth it, since our sink doesn’t face the living area and very few people would see it.)

 

 

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Our Milk Experiment: We Tried Raw Milk

July 12, 2013 By: Stephanie11 Comments

Our RAW MILK experiment

credit: Deposit Photo

 

I’ve shared with you before that I’m interested in getting our family more into a whole foods lifestyle centered around local and organic foods. Or as my husband calls it, becoming a hispter.

One of the things that has been weighing on my mind is switching to raw milk. (Milk that’s not pasteurized or homogenized). It’s incredibly controversial. Like more so than the breast vs. bottle debate. The FDA says raw milk isn’t safe and the whole foodies on the other side say that it’s the best possible thing you can do for your heath and it can cure all kinds of digestive issues, allergies, etc.

I did a lot of research. A LOT. I was scared of raw milk because I am all for modern medicine. I’m not the type of mom who refuses to vaccinate her kids and I think that a lot of scientific advances are great. I always thought pasteurization fit into that category. 

The more research I did, the more raw milk didn’t seem all that dangerous. The FDA has a report that says between the years of 1987-2010 three people died and there were 6 stillbirths and 2 miscarriages related to raw milk. There were 269 hospitalizations in our country due to diseases like food poisoning from raw milk. I also read this study from Cornell. The reason that pasteurization started was because industrializing milk and keeping cows in confined quarters where they were dirty and not getting a natural diet led to a lot of increased cases of diseases such as Tuberculosis that we are now tested for or vaccinated against. The main risk now is food poisoning from e coli. Over the span of 23 years, the rate of hospitalization and death compared to consumption seemed pretty low-risk to me. After all, I feed my children spinach, peanut butter, and beef and there have been outbreaks and recalls due to all of those as well.

So we decided to try it. I made sure that I found a local creamery with pastured, grass-fed cows (they are also supplemented with non-GMO feed.) They got bonus points because they deliver. I bought a half gallon of three different types of milk (1.5%, whole, and raw) so that we could test them and decide for ourselves.

It’s about to get very 5th grade science fair up in here, people. Ready?

our milk experiment 2

Yeah, we have a milk man. It’s pretty awesome.

 

our milk experiment 3

Question: Should our family start purchasing raw milk?

Purpose: To determine which type of milk our family of five, 2 adults and 3 kids, should consume regularly. We will determine this through observation and comparison of price, overall appearance including taste, color, and thickness as well as smell and personal preference of the observers.   

Hypothesis: The raw milk will taste, look, and smell different than the 1.5% and whole milk. The whole milk will be thicker than the 1.5%, but not as thick as the raw.

Materials:

  • 1.5%, whole, and raw milk from Apple Valley Creamery.
  • medicine dropper (clean) stolen from the children’s Tylenol.
  • plastic cups
  • paper towels
  • 3 willing taste testers

our milk experiment 4

Procedure:

  1. Observe each container, noting color, smell, etc.
  2. Transfer 30 mL of each type of milk into clear plastic cups.
  3. Using dropper, remove 5mL of milk from each cup and spread liquid onto a hard surface. (table)
  4. Observe and compare liquids
  5. Taste each type of milk.
  6. Repeat step 5 with each participant.

Variables:

Independent: type of milk (1.5 %, whole, or raw)

Dependent: appearance, smell, taste, price

Controlled: temperature, measurements, creamery (which is assumed to include diet and treatment of cows)

our milk experiment 7

Data and Observations:

our milk experiment 9

The raw milk had a cream line in the container, while the other types (which were homogenized) did not. It was shaken before poured to incorporate the cream.

We were surprised to see that the raw milk seemed to be thinner than the whole milk and spread more freely on the table than the 1.5% or whole milk.

The 1.5% seemed to be more gray in coloring than the whole or raw milk.

The 1.5% and whole milk left a familiar aftertaste and coating on the tongue. The raw milk was smooth and did not leave any after taste whatsoever.

Penny was not given any raw milk due to her age (18 months) and FDA recommendations. Nicholas, Abby and Mom tasted all samples. Nicholas and Abby both chose the whole milk as their favorite. Mom chose the raw.   

our milk experiment 8

 

our milk experiment 5

 

our milk experiment 6

  Conclusion: Due to the personal preference of our taste testers and taking FDA recommendations into consideration, whole milk from this local creamery is probably the best choice for the children in our family. We appreciate the fact that the cows are pastured and grass fed and do not receive GMO feed or unnecessary antibiotics. We will repeat this experiment with Dad and may continue to purchase raw milk for the adults, depending on his personal preference.

 This creamery also offers a variety they call cream line whole milk, which is pasteurized, but not homogenized. That might be a good compromise for our family. 

 

Admittedly, I took it a little far, but we had fun with our experiment. 🙂

You might also want to check out: 

How to teach the scientific method with a FREE one page printable to walk you through any experiment

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Welcome! I’m Steph.

This is a little corner of the internet we like to fill with honesty, heart, and humor. Read More…

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Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese

Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese

Stephanie Giese is an indie author based in Florida. She writes stories about realistic problems with humor, heart, and sass. Her work has a strong focus on mental health and consent. Her North Bay small-town romance series is set for release in 2025.

Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese

3 months ago

Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese
I know it’s a small thing, but I believe small things can add up to big changes. my entire North Bay series, including Out of Left Field, Right as Rain, and Way Off Base, is free on Kindle from Jan. 30-Feb. 3. Please take the funds you might have spent on my books this week and reallocate them toward the areas in our country that need them the most. Follow creators like Dad Chats who can direct you toward practical needs local to them. I hope my quirky romcoms can bring you some comfort and joy during difficult times, and I hope together we can take small, practical steps toward big changes. ... See MoreSee Less

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Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese

3 months ago

Binkies and Briefcases with Stephanie Giese
I know there is an overall feeling of helplessness in our country right now. So many of us are at a loss for what to do beyond making phone calls and social media posts (which are still important, but can feel like not enough). I believe strongly in the power of small things adding up to big ones. As one person, I might not be able to do much, but what I CAN do is use my voice and my books to work toward the change I’d like to see. That’s why, for the next five days, from Jan. 30-Feb 3, I’m making the Kindle versions of my entire North Bay series (Out of Left Field, Right as Rain, and Way Off Base) completely free. Art has power, and I do hope these comedies can bring you some comfort and joy in difficult times, but most importantly, I also hope you’ll consider redirecting the funds you might’ve spent on my books and donating instead to one of the many charities working tirelessly in our cities right now. If you are located in an area like Minnesota or Portland, please use the space below to make people aware of the organizations in your area that need help. ... See MoreSee Less
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