Mommy Guilt Is Dumb

This year I’m kind of a Grinch. Not in a bad attitude sort of way, but in a rob innocent little children of decorations and experiences sort of way.

In the past 12 days, we’ve had a gas leak and I’ve been hospitalized twice for preterm labor issues. (Don’t worry, everything’s ok, I just started having contractions and some other gross labor-y symptoms at 34 weeks and since that’s too early to deliver they put me on a special medicine to stop them.) I’m at 35 and a half weeks now so we are getting really close to the point where it will be ok if she decides to come a little early.

So we (I) decided that this year we shouldn’t really bother doing much decorating for Christmas. We put up our pre-lit tree and that was it. No ornaments, no outside lights, no wreaths, nothin’. Nick was upset about the lack of ornaments, so we made a deal with him that any ornament he made at preschool or Sunday school could go on the tree. Then he started talking about when the Elf On A Shelf was coming. Geez, kid, you are 4. How do you remember that from last year? So I guess we might need to dig that out too, but I am not doing any of the adorable ideas from Pinterest. He can sit on top of a cabinet and stay there for 3 weeks.

I wanted to have apple butter canned to give away. I didn’t do it.

I wanted to have over a dozen heating pads made, I’ve only made half.

I wanted to make applesauce ornaments for the Sunday school teachers. Haven’t gotten to that yet. Not sure if I will.

I wanted to crochet a few scarves to give as gifts. I’ve made none.

We’re not making Christmas cookies. (Unless they are already decorated with the reindeer face slice and bake kind.)

The Christmas event at Dutch Wonderland (a local amusement park) and the ride on the train with Santa at the Strasbourg railroad? Not happening.

Neither is my tradition of going outlet shopping with a girlfriend.

We might not even wrap the kids’ presents to go under the tree. (Eddie & I debate this every year. I came from a family where Santa didn’t wrap presents because that is a lot of extra work/mess, but Eddie prefers Santa’s presents wrapped so that the kids can concentrate on one gift at a time and because it looks nice.)

I spent way more money buying store-bought gifts this year for the kids than I did last year when I made almost every single one.

My kids have hardly had any vegetables for the past several weeks because I’ve been feeding them Chef Boyardee and frozen chicken nuggets. (Well, they aren’t frozen anymore when I serve them.)

But why is it so hard to give yourself a break? Nobody’s expecting me to do anything. Lots of people have even asked if we were planning to even attend family holiday traditions because they would understand if I just wanted to stay home.

When Eddie comes home from work and starts cleaning up around the house because I didn’t do it I feel guilty.

When we look across the street and see the neighbors’ house all decked out and pretty I feel guilty because we’re certainly not giving them much to look at right now.

When I have to call and ask people to watch my kids for an indefinite amount of time because I’m being sent into the hospital again I feel guilty.

When I know the awesome plans I had to make people gifts this year and what they will be getting instead, I feel guilty.

Knowing my sister is spending her last college vacation ever staying at my house to watch my kids and cook and clean for us while I’m having my c-section makes me feel kind of guilty.

I know I shouldn’t because it’s really, really stupid.

I know everyone is happy to help and that I can’t do everything, but I also wanted to make this year extra special for Nick & Abby since they will be feeling left out when the new baby comes.

It’s dumb to think that they even care.

We try to focus more on Jesus’s birthday than the commercial side of it, but Santa will still be coming with every toy on their list, plus some. (Lucky for us all they asked for was an airplane and a Dora doll.)

There will still be cookies, although they might be Oreos. When you are in preschool a cookie is a cookie.

My family still gets fed. (And Nicholas still tells me, “Mommy, you are a good chef-er.” when I feed him frozen pizzas.)

They like driving around at night looking at other people’s Christmas lights.

They’ll probably look back at this year just like all the others, but I still know it’s different.

And at the end of it we’ll have one of the best Christmas presents ever, another one of these: