Once upon a time, I was a very pregnant lady walking through Kohl’s with two toddlers squirming in an awkwardly long and hard to manage double stroller, just trying to use my 20% off coupon to stock up on mittens and sweatpants for said toddlers as the winter months loomed ahead.
I pretty much looked like this:
Except with a stroller. And I was probably waddling.
As soon as we got there my son announced he had to use the potty, so we hoofed it all the way to the back of the store and I squeezed my giant butt, my two kids, and our over-sized stroller into the handicapped stall, the only one big enough to accommodate all of us.
While we were there I decided to use the potty too, because when you are 8 months pregnant and you have the opportunity you take it.
I was also at the point in pregnancy when a woman needs to wear panty liners 24/7, just in case. In case of what? Use your imagination. There are plenty of yucky things that have the potential to start leaking when you get to a certain point. TMI? Sorry. Back to my story.
I took a panty liner out of my purse. It happened to have a yellow wrapper.
I guess my kids thought it resembled the Kraft Singles they are used to seeing me use to make their grilled cheese.
My son started yelling, “Mom! Why are you putting cheese in your undies? Cheese does not go there! Gross!”
I heard muffled giggles from the other stalls.
“This isn’t cheese. It’s…um..it’s like a mommy band-aid, I guess.”
“Do your undies have a boo-boo?”
“Well, no, but sometimes ladies start to bleed even if they don’t have a boo-boo….” My two-year-old daughter was starting to look horrified. I could see her poor little mind wondering if she was going to turn into a bloody corpse at any second because she is a girl.
“Ok, fine, nevermind. We’ll just call it cheese. It’s not a big deal.”
We made it out of the bathroom and through our shopping without further incident.
Until we were in line to check out, that is. This was a fairly long line full of plenty of other people within earshot, mind you.
My son started whining because he was hungry.
I told him that I was sorry, but I hadn’t brought any snacks in my purse today, to which he replied,
“That’s okay mommy, I can just have some of the cheese you keep in your undies!”
And we never went to Kohl’s again.
(Not true, we still go to Kohl’s all the time.)
The end.
Linking to Life On The Funny Farm
Finding the Funny
Too funny! Your stories always crack me up!
That is the funniest thing I’ve read all day!! 🙂
omg! Sorry
That. Is. Hilarious. still laughing – thanks, I needed that. 🙂
*snigger* Brilliant, just brilliant.
Awesome. Just awesome.
CHEEEE-larious! Not quite cheese but my son snatched a tampon out of my purse on a field trip and said, “No fair” to my snacks.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG too funny. So do you make sure to only buy the pink wrapper kind now? #TALU
That is so, so funny! I can totally imagine my kids saying something like that. They have embarrassed me more than once!
HAHAHAHA — This story is beyond funny. Love it! Stopping by from Finding the Funny!
Hee hee!! Stopping by from Finding the Funny! Sorry about the cheese. I call my cheese mommy toilet paper. I’m sure that will get me in trouble one day, too.
Oh man, I laughed out loud! Kids are awesome – even when you want to kill them! LOL (came from finding the funny)
Wow, I needed that laugh! Took a while for me to stop and I had to dab away the tears. I think this one needs to get a Facebook link so I can share wtih my friends.
funny story. so your picture made me stop in my tracks. we look so much alike that my fiance walked over to see why I had a weird look,and asked me who’s kids I was holding. I’ve never seen anyone who looks even kinda like me let alone like my twin. email me— hollyinohio1@yahoo.com and maybe we’ll talk or exchange pictures or something. It’s kinda weird, I’m in shock lol.
Hi Holly! That’s crazy! My husband also thinks I (we) look like Crystal Bowersox without the dreadlocks. So we’ve got that going for us…
OMG I almost fell out of my chair laughing. So glad that was you and not me because I probably would have died from embarrassment. But since it wasn’t me, I can laugh. LOL! 😛
This made me laugh out loud for real! Priceless 🙂
Bahahahahaha! Hilarious!
Laughed so hard I need cheese in my undies…had 4 kids naturally ! Lol this reminds me of when I was young and my sister was only 6. My mom had been bathing when the doorbell ring and she heard her answer… A safety no no! So mom wraps in a robe, races around the corner dripping wet, only the lock eyes with the pest man as my sister says, ” My mommy has hair down there!”
My daughter, who is now 45, and I were in a fabric store when she was about 5. I looked at the front door and saw a young man on crutches with a lower leg amputation. I thought I needed to get Jenny out of the store ASAP since she always said whatever she thought and I didn’t want to hear her comment on the young man all over the store. So, out the door we went. She said, “Mom, did you see that boy with only 1/2 a leg?” I replied that yes, I’d seen him. She said, “What was wrong with his leg?” I said that he was probably in a car wreck and the doctors probably removed the injured part so it wouldn’t hurt him anymore and that he’d be getting a new, wooden leg and it would work as well as the injured part used to work before it got hurt.” (proud of how well I handled that one) Jenny’s reply was, “No. That’s not what happened. A wolf chewed it off” (I’d been reading “Julie and the Wolves” to her.) It sure was hard to hold a straight face.
When my oldest was two we were using a public bathroom when he announced, very loudly, “Mom! I think the lady next to us is pooping!!!” She did not think it was as funny as I did.