I also find it interesting that although these pictures were only taken 4 months apart, I look about 10 years older. Guess I was maturing. (stop laughing.)
and much to my dismay, the balloon never deflated. No matter what I did.
Eat healthier, nope.
Weight Watchers, nope.
Richard Simmons, nope.
Pilates, nope.
Zumba, nope.
Got a CT scan and blood work done to check my thyroid level and blood sugar.
They’re normal.
Talked to the doctor. He said I won’t be able to lose weight until I can get more sleep and have less stress in my life.
Ha! That’s hilarious, doc. Guess that’s why there is such a thing as “mom jeans.” Because most moms have bodies like my new one.
It’s a pretty average body, I guess, but for a long time, I’ve felt fat.
I think that’s weird, because I know if I saw someone my size (which is a size 10 or 12) on the street I would not think “Oh, my. That lady is FAT!”
But when you have spent a lifetime in a body like my old one, this new one feels exactly that.
If I wouldn’t think it about a stranger on the street, why do I think it when I look in the mirror? I don’t like doing that.
And I don’t like seeing old friends for the first time in a while and imagining them thinking, “She’s really let herself go.”
And I don’t like thinking that our new friends probably just assume that I’m lazy and overeat.
Because I’m not. And I don’t. And they probably aren’t even thinking that anyway. And it annoys me. Because I never thought that my body image and my self-image were that intertwined. That I was that shallow.
And articles like this one in the media don’t help. Don’t bother clicking on it, I shall summarize:
They called a mother of 4 who weighed 165 a “blimp” and a “balloon” and said if she didn’t drop 40 pounds quickly, she was at serious risk for a fatal heart attack.
Because don’t you know that we are all supposed to weigh 125 pounds? (For the record, I weighed 138 pounds in my “before” pictures and that light blue dress is a size 4.)
Yeah, well. All I know is that I weigh about the same as the woman in that article in every one of those post-baby pictures and my doctor isn’t concerned. And my husband still thinks I’m attractive.
So why do I care? Don’t know, but I do.
Although recently I did find a little bit of encouragement in the media.
It’s a website called The Shape of a Mother and it celebrates the imperfections that bearing children leaves on the female body.
And there is also a website called Operation Beautiful (thanks for sharing Mary Joy!) which is a movement to help women transform their body image and see themselves as beautiful. Which is important.
Because going from this:
UPDATE: Apparently I am not the only woman with these body issues (duh!) but wouldn’t you know that Mary Joy over at Seeds of Encouragement Sewn With Grace tackled this very issue the day after I wrote this post. That’s Uncanny. I am adding the information that she provided about Operation Beautiful into the body of my post.
The hardest thing is the change, isn’t it? Comparing what I used to be against what I am now. I have the same issue with watching my face take on new wrinkles, too. Thanks for the website–it is empowering to see such brave women literally bare it all!
I can already admit that I am that shallow when it comes to my body and honestly, the biggest thing that scares me about having kids in the future is the change in my body…
@ Michelle, I’m glad that you also found the website empowering. I almost didn’t link to it because I was afraid some of my readers would find it offensive.
@ Maureen, it is a hard pill to swallow, but all of the blessings that come with it make it totally worth it. 🙂
You’ve encouraged me to write my own post on this topic. THANK YOU. What a strong woman you are. We need more women like you out there.
Liz
Stephanie! You still look gorgeous! Never forget that! Great job addressing a topic that is difficult for all of us to deal with. And thanks for sharing about the Operation Beautiful Movement and my Giveaway!!!! As mamas we need to encourage one another to remember that our curves and scars are beautiful! They are the evidence that we grew another human being inside of us!!! Wow!!! How incredible! Society gets so hung up on being “perfect” little petit bodies. Sadly they don’t realize that there is NO perfect body and those who are tiny still find flaws with themselves! I think its one of the ways that Satan distracts us from reaching out to others, serving God and enjoying our lives! So glad you aren’t letting him steal your joy!!! 🙂
I have to remind myself of this often…thanks for helping me do this with this great post!
After 2 angels, my body defintely shows the war wounds so to speak. I can totally identify with you. It is amazing how much energy we spend worrying about our image. My mom always reminds me that seeing those extra pounds and stretch marks is a reminder of God’s blessing to me. Thanks for suggesting the other sites.
Stephanie, you look good girl! Don’t let this psycho babble get to you. I’m a Mom of 2 and believe me I know my body is not what it is before I had my children. But, I don’t think my body is supposed to be the way it was. How can it be?? Sleepless nights (and still counting) breast feeding,etc…to me it’s just another phase of life and I’m moving into it with full joy and acceptance.
I totally feel you. My 2nd child just turned one and I finally got to my pre 2nd baby weight. But OH MY my body is so different. My stomach looks like I could be in my first trimester pregnant. I know it shouldn’t bother but it really does. Thanks for saying it out loud first 🙂
Krista
What a wonderful, wonderful post!! I’m going to copy the link to feature in next week’s Weekend Bloggy Reading.
I am very very guilty of meeting up with old friends and wondering how they must feel when they see how different I look. :s
Thank you sharing some neat links and for sharing what’s on your heart. I also very much appreciate that you took the time to link back to me. Have a great weekend! 🙂
Oh, this is really great! I’m linking up with Amanda’s party…but so glad I saw this! It’s funny because I weigh the same as I did when I got married – although I don’t look the same!! I lost 30 pounds last year but I’m still weigh more than most people think I do…when I tell them they are shocked! I’ve gotten good at making it all an “illusion”….fooling the eye 🙂 Thanks!
Becky
http://www.organizingmadefun.blogspot.com
Thanks for being a part of our first ever Sassy Friday Party! It is so fun to see everyone’s amazing blogs! Sorry, I just found out that my button wasn’t working right. So, I’ve created a new button and you can come over and grab that one instead! 🙂 Have a wonderful weekend and…. DON’T FORGET to sign up for the giveaway if you haven’t signed up yet! xoxo
Marni @ Sassy Sites!
Oh girl! I hear ya! I wish I could stop thinking about how much weight I want to lose. I recently read So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. That has sort of changed my thinking. But, like I said, sort of. It’s hard being a woman in this world. Hang in there, I think you look great!
Erin
http://www.frundy.com
Weren’t every one of those 18 pounds worth it to be gifted with the privilege of having a beautiful baby? IMO, you look healthy and beautiful and not at all fat.
I would like to thank everyone for all of your comments. You have been so affirming and empathetic! Absolutely, my children are worth the changes in my body and I never meant to imply otherwise. I simply wanted to say something out loud that I know is on the minds of lots of mothers. I think Mary Joy is absolutely right,when we think negatively about ourselves it distracts us from being able to enjoy our lives and live them to the fullest. I hope that other moms can find encouragement and affirmation by visiting the links I have provided and reading eachother’s stories here in the comments. Thanks again for participating in the discussion!
P.S.
Oh, and I guess the way I worded things is slightly confusing. I meant to convey that even at my smallest I was still 18 pounds heavier than the 125 that the BMI index and the media say a woman my height “should” weigh. Now I am about 40 pounds over that number, which can be very discouraging, but because my doctor is not concerned and i am living a healthy lifestyle, I am trying not to worry about it either. For me, that has been one of the most difficult parts of the transition to becoming a mother, coming to terms with the fact that I seem to have no choice but to be “overweight.”
I can relate to this post so well! I know EXACTLY how you feel! I especially dread running into ANYONE who knew me BEFORE I had the baby {when I was thin, but thought I was fat}…uggg!
btw: your kids are ADORABLE!!!!
Get out of my head!!! I love my two boys but I am constantly fighting to lose the last of my baby weight from my second pregnancy. I lost it so easily after the first and thought it would be just as easy the second time around… Joke is on me. Every one of these thoughts you shared I have experienced. Thank you so much for making me realize that I am not alone 🙂
What an open and honest post! I just am glad you are healthy AND happy!
Oh I love this post. I can relate SO much. Similar size then and now as you describe and I hate that I wonder what people think when they see me, especially if they haven’t seen me for a long time. Thank you for sharing this. I will be sharing it with many of my mommy-friends.
I have been fighting this battle for so long, and even more so now that my college reunion is coming up in a month and I have gained 50 lbs (and 4 wonderful children) since I last saw any of my girlfriends. But I am so tired of hating myself and being my own worst enemy. And I would NEVER think the thoughts about someone else that I think about myself. What a wonderful honest post – I am going to the links now and will share this – because realizing that we are not alone is a big comfort in itself.
I’m not sure why you wouldn’t recommend Shape of a Mother to men. I think it is important for men to see and appreciate real women. The barrage of fantasy commonly portrayed in visual media only serves to set false, unhealthy expectations. After 21 years of marriage and 3 kids I still find my wife very physically desirable, and I don’t expect her to look like a teenager.
@EPoster- I am very happy to see that you still have a happy, healthy relationship with your wife. The reason I don’t recommend the site to men is that, personally, I don’t find it appropriate for men to be looking at nude women other than their wives and my understanding of the site is that it is a safe haven for women to gain support from a community of other women about the changing shape of their bodies, not to be ogled over by men.
It’s a reasonable opinion even though it’s not possible to control publicly posted pictures. Do you think women are more concerned that other women will think less of them or that men will find them unattractive?
Thank you for sharing this. I was just complaining to my husband last night about how I hate the way my boobs look now. I’ve nursed 3 kids. I’ve spent a total of 3 years and 8 months between the 3 of them nursing. So you can image how deflated I look. My body has also been through so much. 6 pregnancies in 7 years, 3 of which we lost. And so many other things have happened to my body in that time. Thank you for telling us to feel ok with how we look even though it may take some time for my mind to catch up. I need to be less concerned with what other may think about how I look and learn to love the body God gave me and the body my husband frequently tells me he loves.