Let’s rewind…
Way back when in our potty training Nicholas phase, I told our son that if he would just pee and poop on the potty he could wear big boy underwear AND he could have any kind he wanted. Superman undies, Thomas the Train, Mickey Mouse, whatever his little heart desired.
Do you know which superhero the kid asked for?
Tom Selleck.
He has a brief mention in the Disney movie Meet the Robinsons (That’s a favorite at our house. Adorable, quirky little misfit gets adopted by embarrassingly weird but loving family. Sound familiar?) Anyway, Nick heard his name and all of the sudden Tom Selleck was bigger than Buzz Lightyear around here. What can I say, the kid has good taste.
I was on the fence about whether it would be awesomely cool or super pervy to put the Mustache Man on a two-year-old’s underwear, plus I’m super lazy, so my poor, deprived son never got the Tom Selleck underwear he so desired.
We were reminiscing recently about how funny it was that Nick actually wanted Tom Selleck underwear and I got an idea.
You know who IS allowed to have Tom Selleck underwear? Grown azz women, that’s who. (And when I say “grown azz” I am referring to both the age and size of my badonkadonk. I’m also trying to keep it classy by substituting the z’s. You can see from the pictures below that I like to always stay classy.)
What better way to make granny panties cool again (ok, maybe they weren’t really ever cool in the first place, but now they have potential) than to add a picture of the King of Cool?
I drew a sketch of Tom Selleck.
Then I traced it onto the back of a pair of granny panties. The big maternity ones.
And then I made my husband take the most unflattering picture of me that ever existed and while doing so he said it looked like I had a Tom Selleck tramp stamp. (P.S. If you are in the market for a tramp stamp, Tom Selleck=way cooler than butterflies or squiggly swirly lines.)
You know your underwear is (are? Egads, what verb do I use?) going to be hanging out when you bend down to tie your kid’s shoe. This is how you own it.
Then my friend Wendy lovingly made the observation that my version of Tom Selleck looks like the Unabomber. Thanks, Wendy. There goes my idea to mass market them via Etsy shop.
Sigh.
The world is just not ready for all that awesome.
I guess it’s just you and me, Tom.
Linking to Finding the Funny
Oh my gosh – that is HILARIOUS!!! I will totally buy a pair of your Tom Selleck/Unabomber underwear!!
Thanks Anna. Maybe I will open that Etsy shop after all.
When we were kids, my little brother got a pair of underwear with an iron-on George Bush on the back for Christmas, per his request. He was THRILLED!
Ha! That is awesome!
OMG. You KILL me. This is hi-lar-i-ous. Much more Tom Selleck than Unibomber. And a definite conversation starter, for SURE!!!
Ha! I can only imagine that conversation, “So, as you were bending down, I tried to get a good look at where your plumber’s crack should have been, and I noticed that Tom Selleck was staring back at me.”
Seriously, Stephanie, after this post, plan to quit your day job. You’re going to have to dedicate endless hour to filling the influx of holiday orders coming your way. Fantasically cool pic!
Maybe I should open that Etsy shop after all? The perfect mother-in-law gift, no?
I knew granny panties would eventually make a comeback. Thank you. Loud applause. I’ll take 14 pair (you know, just in case I get behind on laundry).
For sure. I think you may need more than that, even. There is no such thing as too many granny panties.
Okay really, you could start your own line of super men underwear, there are all kinds of guys that could make wearing granny panties enjoyable.
I think I need a whole line of 80’s icons.
Awesome. Let me know when your etsy shop is up and running – customer for life right here.
Will do, Thanks!
I’ll take a dozen “Sam Elliot”. Make that 2 dozen…I may need to frame some.
I had to Google who that was, but once I recognized him I agree that he should be in the collection.
I love Sam Elliot almost as much as Neil Diamond
We’ll add Neil Diamond to the collection too.
Oh that is so funny I had to pin it http://pinterest.com/pin/271693789991552615/
Thanks! Pinterest won’t know what hit it.
Can I get some Don Johnson panties please? Circa Miami Vice era.
Pastel, of course.
I think I like those BETTER than Positive Panties!!! Those are even MORE of a megafu**ton of awesome!! And you wear them well. Magnum would be proud. So would the Unibomber.
I don’t know what I love more: Those bomb ass undies, or the fact that your son is so awesome he chose Tom Selleck over lame-o Thomas the Train.
Sooo funny!
Can I order 10 George Clooney generous cut bloomers, please? Hey! You can call them Clooners.® I know- brilliant.
Oh good God, this is priceless! And unlike real tramp stamps, you can change the design every three days when you change your britches!