A Lesson in Selflessness From the Sock Drawer

My husband and I have been a couple for twelve years. By that point you (I hope) have reached a happy stride in your relationship and things are comfortable and normal.

But sometimes you get taken aback when little gestures take on a whole new level on intimacy.

Has something like this ever happened to you? I hope it has.

I walked into our bedroom and Eddie said, “I was putting away the laundry and I noticed I have some empty space in my sock drawer. Yours is really full. do you want to move some stuff over?”

“You’re offering me half of your sock drawer?And you’re putting away laundry.”

 “Well, yeah, there was laundry on the bed and I wanted to go to sleep.”

“Awwwww….you want to share your sock drawer….” tears welling up

“Um…okay.”  

“Do you have any idea what this m-m-means?” sniffle.

“Obviously not, but if I knew I was going to get this reaction I would have done it a long time ago.” 

“Awwwww…” Hugs. Tears.

And later you wake up hoping you didn’t just make another baby.

A few years ago, it wouldn’t have been a big deal at all. Now, as a stay at home mom I feel like I share everything with everybody. There are very few things that are mine.

I no longer have my own house, my own career, my own bank account, my own car, or even my own time in the bathroom. I share my body with nursing babies, developing fetuses, doctors, and a loving husband. I share the food on my plate, and frequently have my shirt used as a tissue or a spit up rag.

All of that sharing all of the time can leave you drained and sometimes cranky. 

I do have my toothbrush, my deodorant, my jewelry box, and my clothes in my dresser. That’s pretty much as far as it goes with things that are mine and mine alone.

And it does not occur to me to share them. Ever.

If I had been the one with empty space in my drawer my thought process would probably have been, “Sweet. Now I can buy more socks.”

His gesture meant a lot to me because I wasn’t prepared to do it myself. 

And then I realized my husband was modeling the kind of selflessness I am supposed to be showing our children.

Offering something that was his and not at all begrudgingly (that is the part I sometimes still struggle with) because he saw that I needed it more than he did.

The way that I should be seeing, “Mommy, can I try a bite of that?” “Me too!” “Me three!” as giving them a deserved learning experience because I’ve had lobster many times and they haven’t yet had it even once, instead of sharing reluctantly while rolling my eyes and thinking for the love of God, can I get through one meal with no one else eating off my plate? 
   
The way I should be more patient when I have three small children crowded into a bathroom stall with me, because it’s not their fault that they are too small to take care of certain needs themselves.

The way that the memories are worth the messes.

The way that reading the same book for the third time in a row is more important than checking my email for the third time in one day.

The way that seeing this face every day is worth the stretch marks and losing some sleep.

The way I should remember when I feel resentful for giving up a career or no longer having the discretionary income to do trivial things like monthly pedicures, that two thousand years ago a man was nailed to a tree making much bigger sacrifices for me than I am making for my children.

The way I need to stop seeing them as sacrifices and start seeing them as letting people share my space.  I don’t need all of it anyway, and it means a lot to the people who are able to share it.

Just like the sock drawer.

I wish all of you a partner who happily lets you into his/her drawers. 😉

I absolutely do think that as moms it is important for us to make ourselves a priority and take care of our own needs, but sometimes I know I can let the “me culture” we live in get in the way of having a servant’s heart– and that is what my family needs the most from me right now.