Binkies and Briefcases

Even as adults we all have things we know we shouldn’t do, but we do them anyway. For some people it might be having one more drink at a bar, calling an ex-boyfriend, or eating a third piece of cake. For me it is going to Chuck E. Cheese. Deep down I know I shouldn’t do it, but it always seems like a good idea at the time.

Today I had a meeting for my new job. My supervisor told me to bring the kids with me, so I did. After the meeting it was about 1:00 and they hadn’t eaten lunch. They had both been so good for the hour and a half I was meeting with Marie. (That was mainly due to the fact that we held the meeting in the childcare room with a plethora of toys geared toward their age group) Chuck E. Cheese was only about a mile up the road and we were going to drive right by it on the way home. We were supposed to go last week and I had to cancel at the last minute and disappoint Nicholas. It was the perfect storm. I caved.

Now, I should state for the record that I actually have nothing against Chuck E. Cheese itself. I’m not afraid of the germs, and actually the one here in York is very clean. The noise doesn’t bother me. I do not have a problem organizing groups of children. I’ve organized huge groups of elementary school children on field trips, after all. Also, I thoroughly enjoy the way that the over-stimulation has a counter intuitive way of calming down my hyper three-year-old boy because of his sensory issues.

But I made a few mistakes this time. First, I decided that it would be too cumbersome to lug our double stroller around inside between all the rides and games. That was dumb. Totally should have brought it. Instead I chased Nicholas around for an hour and a half with a 20 pound baby hanging off my hip like a limp noodle.

Second, I actually tried to sit down and have a meal with my children. Twenty minutes after we arrived and ordered our food (one individual size pizza to split 3 ways) it was delivered to our table. That meant that I had to pull poor Nicholas away from the roller coaster simulation game, which resulted in mega-meltdown #1. I forced him to sit at the booth, screaming at the top of his lungs, red tear-streaked face and all, while I calmly said Grace and started feeding the baby. Eventually he did come around and eat with us.

Third, I did not attempt to discipline other people’s children. There were only about 10 kids in the entire place since it was a Tuesday afternoon. They were all under adult supervision. Some kids even had more than one adult with them. And yet, there was one little boy (And let me just say that there were three adults with this kid. Three. Just with him. He did not have any sibling there.) who was just roaming around following Nick. That would be ok, except this kid was about two years old and none of the three adults with him were paying any attention to him at all. His mother was playing ski ball in an entirely different section and his grandparents occasionally playing games to win him (or themselves) tickets and occasionally just being lazy and sitting in a booth talking amongst themselves. I felt bad for him so I didn’t say anything when this little boy climbed onto a moving ride that Nicholas was on. After the ride was over I pointed him to his mom, who totally didn’t seem to care that she didn’t know where he was.

Then there was another little girl who was about three. Her mom wasn’t paying a lick of attention either. She rode about 5 rides that I gave her money for (There was no way Nick would use 50 tokens by himself) . That was followed by an “Oops, I poked your baby.” and a trip over to us while we were eating to shove a piece of pizza in Abby’s mouth. (I did say something to her about that.) Seriously, people. Watch your children. I should have said something to their parents, or at least to the staff.

But the real drama came when we were finally out of tokens and needed to leave. That was an all out throw-myself-on-the-floor-scream-hit-my-mom-hide-between-the-coin-machine-so-you-can-reach-me kind of tantrum, which was followed by a run-away-from-you-in-the-parking-lot kind of tantrum, which was followed by a scream-all-the-way-home kind of tantrum, which was followed by an I’m-not-taking-a-nap-I’m-just-going-to-scream-some-more-so-my-sister-can’t-nap-either kind of tantrum after we got home. (Mega meltdowns 2-5, if you will) I may or may not have said something along the lines of “If you value your life you will get in that fire truck bed right now.” If I said it it didn’t work because there are still two screaming children in my house as I type this, despite the fact that we have been home for over an hour.

No, I should not go to Chuck E. Cheese ever again. And yet I know I will.

Sigh.

Well, that was one intense weekend.

On Saturday we had the memorial service & burial for my grandmother. I gave a speech based on my earlier post and was a complete blubbering mess. Other than the fact that I’m pretty sure no one understood what I was saying and people were probably more focused on the snot bubbles coming out of my nose, it was a lovely service. My dad gave a great speech and my cousin Brian got through his reading unscathed. We saw a lot of people we haven’t kept in touch with as much as we should and we had a nice time looking at old pictures and sharing memories.

Sunday my mom came and watched the kids and Eddie and I drove to Philadelphia for the wedding of one of his college roommates. Matt & his fiancee Faye actually won a dream wedding give-away contest. They were married by the mayor of the city on a lovely balcony overlooking the Delaware river at the Seaport Museum. She had two custom dresses, they had an amazing band, good food, and lots of special touches like a song written especially for them, fireworks, and a great professional video set to their custom song. They were ecstatic and we’re so happy for them. It was also nice to see Eddie’s friends from college. Some of them have matured incredibly and some of them are exactly the same as I remember.

Our night was tainted slightly by the fact that (for the second time!) I was wearing a dress that was much too similar to the dress the bridesmaids were wearing. Apparently the lesson there is that from now on I must wear prints or separates when attending wedding festivities.

Also, I really need to get cracking on some weight loss because I do not enjoy it when people I haven’t seen for 5 years see me 30 pounds heavier. I wish we could afford to join a gym with childcare! It is much too difficult to try to work out at home when there are two toddlers underfoot and a dog who licks your face while you’re trying to do sit-ups. And forget about doing it while their asleep, the jumping around just wakes them up. Plus, it’s impossible to shower afterward because if they’re awake I have to watch them & if the they’re asleep the shower wakes them up. Grrr…if only the gym with the babysitting service wasn’t (literally) six times more expensive. Now that I’m working evenings & Eddie’s doing softball, evenings aren’t really an option either. Plus by the time Eddie gets home I’ve had a 12 or 13 hour day and I’m too damn tired to go to a Zumba class. Well, one day the kids will be in school and maybe I’ll have time to work out then. Or maybe we can get a treadmill. But where would I put it?

Anyway, it was nice to see everyone this weekend! Although, I do wish we had another day or two to recover!

Sometimes you just need a break. Unfortunately, young moms don’t get very many of those. I did sort of get one yesterday after a mini-nervous breakdown on my part prevented my husband from going to his softball game. However, during that “break” I still made everyone dinner, helped give the kids their bath, read the bedtime story, and put the baby to bed. I also took a “break” on Sunday while Eddie took the kids to church. I wasn’t feeling well so I didn’t go, but during that “break” I wrote out our weekly meal plan, went to the store, carried all the groceries up two flights of steps, put them all away, and drove back to church to pick everyone up because we are down a car while Eddie’s in in the shop. I’m not complaining, well, ok, I am, but I also know those things all need to be done and it’s my job to do them.

All of these tasks seem so trivial when I look at them written down like this, but when you are raising young children, particularly when one of them has special needs, it’s the day-to-day tasks that get to be the most overwhelming.

Take today for example…

I woke up at 5:30, gave the baby her bottle, went back to bed until 6:30 when she cried again, put her in bed with me for another hour, then finally woke up for good at 7:30. Then I got myself dressed, made the kids breakfast, got Nicholas dressed, changed the baby, realized the OT was coming for Nick’s first appointment of the day at 8:30, turned on the tv for him while I frantically cleaned the kitchen (because that’s where they have their session and 3-day old dishes don’t make for the best ambiance), let the dog out, packed their bag for our next trip, ate a bowl of cereal, checked my email, kept the baby & the dog out of the way and tried to actively participate in his OT session, rushed to get shoes & socks on everyone & gave them a quick snack, drove to play therapy, got a call from my sister on the way saying my grandmother has passed away, dropped of Nicholas, took the baby to the bank to get money to pay the play therapist who does not take credit cards, went to Starbucks with the baby to break a $20 and get myself a hot chocolate, picked up Nicholas, came home, gave the baby a a bottle, changed her, put down for a nap, changed Nicholas, put on a movie for him to wind him down before his nap…as I write this it is about noon.

(Had to take a break here because I got phone calls from my dad & my aunt.)

Ok, I’m back. Anyway, the point is that, surprisingly, the things that overwhelm me the most during the day are not the big, daunting tasks, like the fact that I need to take my three-year-old to psychotherapy. It’s the dishes, the dust, the damn dog. The thought process is more like, “Really, it’s not enough that I need to drag an infant and a toddler to x-amount of appointments today? That my grandmother just died? That I’m sick? That I just sacrificed my business? That the baby was up x-amount of times last night? That in addition to all these issues I just took on a part-time job? I still have to deal with this?”

And the truth is, yes, no matter how many appointments need to be scheduled in one day, no matter how sick or exhausted or overwhelmed I feel, there will still be dirty dishes, an obnoxious dog to discipline, and countless other tasks that no one else is going to do for me. I’m still holding out hope that one day I will come home from a doctor or therapy appointment with the kids and magic elves will have cleaned the house and put away the laundry and will offer to babysit while I take a nap. Until then I will take solace in the fact that it is Tuesday, and if I can get the kids to bed on time I will have a solid 3 hours to sit on my butt and watch American Idol, Glee, and Parenthood. Maybe I’ll even get up during the commercial breaks to put away the toys that are scattered around the living room or do the dinner dishes, but probably not. Because I happen to think that after all of the crazy things that are happening recently, I deserve a break.

And I really hope that the rest of my family and friends, particularly my sister & aunt Cathi, take one too.