Binkies and Briefcases • Page 256 of 268 •

Parenting

July 22, 2010 By: Stephanie1 Comment

I am a professional parenting specialist. Oh, the irony.

My son is out of control. Out. of. Control.

Yes, I do have a Master’s Degree, years of experience as a nanny, elementary school teacher, child-centered business owner, and now parenting specialist. I have taken several parenting classes, read more books than I can count, and believe it or not I actually am qualified to teach other people appropriate ways to control their children.

Technically, it’s not my fault. He is showing a lot of signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder and he has also been diagnosed with sensory processing issues similar to those found in children with autism. (No, he does not have autism.) The fact that it is not my fault does not make it suck any less. In fact, it sucks much more because at least if it was my fault then I could fix the problem simply by changing my behavior.

Raising a Child with Trauma

Today he is in rare form. Actually, it started yesterday afternoon. At nap time yesterday, I knew he was asleep because it was quiet (a rarity in our house)and I went to check the damage. (There is always collateral damage from the fits he throws before he falls asleep.) I couldn’t find him. I just saw this:

Can you find him? He’s asleep in the hamper. 10 minutes after I took this picture he was awake, had the hamper upside-down and was standing on it in order to reach the blinds on the window. One of his favorite things to do is unravel them completely.

About 20 minutes after that I was starting to make dinner and he was watching a cartoon. He called to me, “Mommy? Can I have a new pull-up?” I told him to wait a minute and he said, “Well, can I just wash my hands?” Cue panic attack. I knew what that meant. He had poop all over his hands and had used it to “paint” our entertainment center. That’s not the first poop-on-hands incident and it won’t be the last. (In fact, it wasn’t even the last within a 12 hour period.)

This morning started out by discovering that he had scaled the baby gate that is supposed to keep him contained in his room at night (because he doesn’t sleep well and it is not unusual to find him playing with toy trains or doing belly flops from his headboard onto the mattress in the middle of the night). He was in the bathroom scattering his bath toys everywhere. Thankfully he hadn’t found anything too dangerous. This is my biggest concern because that is by far the most dangerous room in our house for him.

I just redirected him to the kitchen where I got him some breakfast, bananas, and yogurt. We are working on self-feeding skills with the occupational therapist. Today was a step backward. He dumped the yogurt on the table, the floor, and himself and “washed” all three of those surfaces with it. After I cleaned him up and he started to play I typed an email to my husband explaining how the morning had started. In the middle of that email, the dreaded call from the next room came. “Mommy! I need to wash my hands!” Yes, it was more poop.

I cleaned that up and made the baby the bottle she takes before her morning nap. I guarantee it took me less than three minutes to make that bottle. When I went back into the living room the tv was hanging out of the entertainment center (for the third time this week) and all of the couch cushions were on the floor.

Now, I know what you are probably thinking. “This kid just needs a good spanking.” No, he doesn’t. He has no reaction whatsoever to a punishment of any kind, be it spanking or time out, or taking toys away. Believe me, we’ve tried them all. We’ve also tried behavior charts, stickers, a “car jar” (picking matchbox cars out of a jar for good behavior), ignoring him, a weighted vest and blanket, and he currently works with a special education teacher, an occupational therapist, and a play therapist. Even with a team of professionals, his behavior cannot be controlled. Granted, it is much improved from the violent fits of biting, scratching, pinching, and attacking the dog that we were seeing this time last year.

Despite all of it, he is my son and I love him. I cannot relate to the mothers like those on a recent episode of Dr.Phil who choose to send their adopted children “back to sender.” How dare these parents?! Yes, it is hard for us (especially me because I am the one with him 24/7) but imagine how hard it must be for him.

No, it is not fun for me to deal with poop. Or getting bitten. Or when he attacks the dog. Do you think it was fun for him to be born to a homeless mother, placed in foster care, bond with Debbie and his foster siblings, be torn away from them and come to live with us, move to a new state, and get a new baby sister all before he turned two? I’m guessing that sucked more than scrubbing someone else’s poop off your living room furniture.

Am I making excuses for him? Maybe, but he deserves it. He also deserves a mom who will change his diapers, even if he is too old for them and even if their contents is scraped off of the entertainment center.

A Weekly Guide to Family Friendly Activities In York and Lancaster, Pennsylvania

July 21, 2010 By: Stephanie2 Comments

I am not the kind of mom who puts the “stay at home” in stay-at-home-mom. So today I am posting a weekly guide of unique places to take your children in the York, PA and Lancaster areas. (I’ll throw some of our old standbys in as well.) I have not visited all of them yet, but if I have not visited them myself they come highly recommended by friends. 🙂

Monday:
Skating is open to the public at York City Ice Arena from 1:30-3pm Monday-Friday.

Tuesday:
I have to plug the MOPS program at the Church of the Open Door, although it doesn’t start up again until September. There is a minimal fee for the entire year and you can hang out with fellow moms every other Tuesday from 9 am-11 am.

Until September rolls around, I suggest you spend an afternoon picking your own berries at Barefoot Farm. We visited this year and the strawberries were amazing! I also loved that you only have to pay for what you pick, and at a rate of about $2 per quart. Berry picking hours end in mid-July, but they re-open in the fall for pumpkin picking too.

We have also done cherry and blueberry picking at Brown’s orchard, and highly recommend them as well!

Or if you prefer to stay indoors you could go to one of the Summer Kid Movies at Frank’s Theater or West Manchester Mall on Tuesday or Wednesday. Depending on the year and the sponsorships available, sometimes these programs are free and sometimes they cost $1.

Wednesday:

When we first moved to the area we were part of the Family Place play group at Martin Memorial Library. If you go through the 5 week program, which is very informative and a great place to meet new mom friends, you can join the playgroup too.

If you aren’t into joining things, try the public pool at Codorus State Park.Our friends who go there regularly really enjoy it. They say it is very clean. There is a minimal charge to access the pool. You can also rent boats, go fishing on the lake and even go camping or even rent a yurt (yes, a yurt!) at Codorus.

Thursday:
Check the county library schedule for additional children’s programs programs.

Friday:

If you have a little one who loves all things on wheels, like Nicholas does, you can take a free tour of the Harley Davidson factory.

You can also visit Perrydell Farm, and if you are there at 4pm when they feed the calves, they might just let you help.

Saturday:
Go to a York Revolution game! The minor league baseball games are much more relaxed than major league games and a great family-friendly atmosphere. There are home games just about every weekend this summer. Lawn seats are only $8 and $2 from every ticket sold is donated to charity. There is also a great children’s area with games and rides.

Sunday:
After church in the morning take a day trip to Lancaster where you can visit the Science Factory, Dutch Wonderland (there is also a water park included with your admission fee), or the Strasburg Railroad.

The York area is also home to some pretty spectacular (and free!) playgrounds, such as the Getaway Playground in Springettsbury, Couseler Park in West Manchester Township, and Kids’ Kingdom in Penn Township.

Ok, you are probably not going to do all of that in a week, but I definitely think everything on the list is worth checking out. We also love:

DreamWrights Youth and Family Theater
The Agricultural and Industrial Museum
and Tumble Town

Burlap “Art” (?)

July 20, 2010 By: Stephanie3 Comments

I have a space on my dining room wall that I can’t figure out what to do with. We plan on adding more cabinets there in the future, so I don’t want to invest a lot of money (or any money for that matter) on a space that is not going to exist for very long.

Originally I bought this on clearance at Kirkland’s, but I was never really in love with it. It’s pretty, but it’s much more formal than anything else in our house. It’s really just not my style at all.

I need our space to feel more comfortable. Especially because we are adding chair rail and picture frame molding in the dining room, I don’t want it to feel too stuffy.

Enter burlap. Burlap is in this year. Don’t ask me why, I don’t make the rules.

I have never really been a fan of the stenciled burlap pillows or burlap covered furniture. Sorry. Burlap is uncomfortable, that’s not really what I’m going for with my decor. However, we did have some in the garage because we use it to cover plants during a frost and it is definitely the opposite of too formal.

We also had an old cheap mirror that the previous owners had left in the downstairs powder room. And I have a glue gun. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Free burlap art? I take no responsibility if you think it’s ugly. It is burlap, after all.

First I wrapped the mirror in two layers of burlap. It was very thin since it was the kind intended for gardening. That’s ok, I kind of like the way that the reflective surface of the mirror adds more dimension. I hot glued the fabric to the back thusly:

Yes, that is a wire coat hanger that is being used to hang the back of the mirror, I told you it was cheap.

Then I printed some letters from the computer to cut out and trace. I cannot be bothered with things like buying stamps, there is enough junk in my basement as it is.

The plan was to trace the letters and silhouettes of some wooden utensils.

But then I actually kind of liked the way the utensils looked on the burlap, so I just glued them there. Those wooden spoons were a gift. They are very nice quality, but not very practical. They are made of a type of wood that cannot get wet, so they can never be washed. They mostly just sat around in a drawer anyway. Now they are “art.”