Binkies and Briefcases

SUBSCRIBE

So what do you DO all day, anyway?

By: Stephanie2 Comments

She is always signed on to Facebook…

I saw her pull into the driveway with kid’s meals at lunchtime two days in a row!…

She lets her kids run around outside in their underwear…

Her house is a DISASTER…

She hasn’t done laundry for two years…

What does she do all day????

These are all things that I would not be surprised to hear my neighbors say about me. I still think I’m a good mom, but it took me a while to get to the place where I could accept that, for me, this has very little to do with my housekeeping skills (or lack thereof). In my opinion, housekeeping & homemaking are two very different things. Many times I have looked around my house at the end of the day & seen yesterday’s dishes still in the sink, toys all over the floor, kids that did not get bathed, and thought, “What the heck did I do all day?”

I’ll admit that I had a really hard time with the transition to being a stay at home mom a few years ago. I felt like my identity had been stripped away and everything I had worked hard to achieve in my career, education, etc was being put on pause indefinitely. I felt like all I did was sit around a messy house, unshowered, getting spit up on and changing diapers. I also have a very hard time accepting the changes in my body. While I’m really looking forward to all the blessings another child will bring, I have to say, the baby stage is HARD for me and I’m kind of dreading it. The good news is that it doesn’t last forever, and the stage that comes next is a million times more fun.

Leaving the house with kids

The other good news is that I still have all summer and fall to do whatever I want with my now bigger kids. Sometimes whatever I want is to stay inside and color and sit on the couch watching movies all day because being pregnant is exhausting. But, mostly, I need to get out. Often.

I know next year with a 5, 3, and 6-month-old we might not be quite as ambitious with our “adventures”, so I want to pack as much into this summer as I can. (Next year my plan is to turn on the sprinkler and spend every day in the back yard. I think it’s a good plan.)

What I do not do during the day when I am alone with my kids is housework. Sorry, I just don’t. Eddie does all of our laundry because he’s awesome like that and he volunteered to take over when I was pregnant with Abby. I don’t clean until the weekend or when Eddie’s home because I don’t like having chemicals out around my kids when I can’t be 100% attentive to them. (If there was ever a kid who would drink bleach just to see what it tastes like, it is my Nicholas.) Plus, Eddie truly doesn’t mind helping me clean or watching the kids so I can do it, and even when I do clean up during the day it’s just a big mess again by the time he gets home anyway.

Sometimes I do a load of dishes, but that is pretty much it. If I spent my days cleaning my house I would feel like a babysitter/maid/slave and I would resent it, that’s no good for anybody. My husband is willing to come home to a pile of toys and some dirty dishes if it means I feel more fulfilled because I spent my time with the kids doing things I consider to be more worthwhile.

It’s also true that I check Facebook/my email like a bazillion times a day, but that’s mostly because our computer is in the kitchen, where we spend the majority of our time when we are home. Many times I’m signed in, but not actually sitting there, although if I see the red blurb pop up that tells me I have a message, I’ll respond pretty quickly. Also, about half of those times we are signed in because Abby loves looking at the pictures of our family and friends.

I know a lot of my mom friends feel exactly the opposite and they are overwhelmed by the idea of leaving the house to take their kids out as often as I do. They like the idea of serving their families through housekeeping, etc. I know that stuff needs to be done, but I struggle a lot with the idea that a clean sink would somehow make me a better wife/mother. That does not work for me. At all. Some people might think that means I don’t have a”servant’s heart.” I just think I, personally, better serve my children creating memories of fun times we had together than memories of a floor always swept and a kitchen counter always cleared. I’m saving that for when they are off to school. That’s what I tell myself, anyway. 😉

I need to get out of my house pretty much every day or I will turn into a cranky and resentful person that I’m not proud of.

So this summer we will be out and about a lot.

So far we have:
gone to a minor league baseball game
gone bowling a few times
gone outlet shopping twice
gone to meet daddy for lunch twice
gone to a local farm to pick strawberries
gone to Dutch Wonderland (a local amusement park)
gone to a few parks
gone swimming with friends
gone to have lunch with my grandmom at a local diner a few times

We also have plans to spend a few weekends at the beach, hit up our local theater for the $1 movies on Tuesday & Wednesday mornings, go to a few more farms, make good use of our bowling passes, participate in our library’s summer reading/letter rubbing program (they hide stamps in local parks, it’s kind of like geocaching), visit family in Virginia, make a few trips to our local farmer’s market, take a trip to Hershey, boat rides, get our mommy book club back on track…the list goes on.

This week our schedule looks like this:
Monday: Go to the outlets & meet daddy for lunch
Tuesday: Go to a pool party with our Mom N Me friends
Wednesday: Meet friends at a local dairy farm
Thursday: ???
Friday: Pack up and go to the beach

Most of this stuff we do during the week and I feel really blessed to be able to make these memories with the kids and to have an extremely hard-working husband with a good job that affords us these opportunities. If I spent the majority of my time doing housework I feel like I would look back and regret not taking full advantage of this time. I’ve never regretted not getting the dishes done before we left for the park.

Off Balance

By: Stephanie4 Comments

Remember that exciting family news I told you I’d share in a few weeks? We’re pregnant! We were so NOT trying to conceive, but it’s a happy (and slightly terrifying) surprise.

So things have been a little off-kilter around here. Eddie started a new job and is hardly ever around during the week. Two toddlers and a pregnant lady make for an interesting team. I feel like a bi-polar mom lately. One day I will take the kid’s berry picking and can my own homemade jam, the next day I have no intention of getting anyone out of their pajamas. There is no middle ground. I’m either in Super Martha Mommy mode or a top contender for Worst Mom Ever. Some days I can achieve both on the same day.

Mom Thoughts

Today, for example, started out with me turning on the sprinkler for the kids to run through in the back yard, coming in for lunch and homemade rice Krispie treats, getting both kids to nap at the same time (!), Nick using the potty (!!!) and taking the kids to the neighborhood playground after their nap.

I was all I’m totally awesome at this, we are so going to be fine adding another one.

Then I burnt out after learning there had been a mistake with our new insurance and trying to make the phone calls to fix it. By the end of the day, my kids had watched 3 full-length movies and I was yelling irrationally and driving to McDonald’s, willing myself not to puke, not wearing a bra, and in my 13-year-old cheerleading t-shirt from high school with two barefoot, screaming kids. I might have eaten a BigMac and a McChicken sandwich. (And cursed the universe for not allowing me to eat honey. Stupid no unpasteurized foods rule. French fries dipped in honey are amazing and it is totally unfair to take them away from me right now.)

Then I was all I totally suck at this, what the heck were we thinking?

But then we came home and when the kids sat down to eat their nasty, processed chicken nuggets and french fries they both reminded me, separately, that we couldn’t eat before we said our prayers. So right now I’m leaning toward fairly confident in our ability to handle a third without messing him/her up too badly.

We’ll see.

Bibliotherapy

By: Stephaniecomment

Yesterday I shared my children’s book addiction with you, and despite the fact that we already own about 50 million books I couldn’t stop myself from buying a few more.

One of the books I found at Ollie’s (best place ever for buying new books) was The Fathers Are Coming Home by Margaret Wise Brown, the author of Goodnight Moon.

When I saw this book I knew I had to get it for Nicholas because, as you know if you are a frequent reader of this blog, he struggles A LOT with attachment issues. It would also be great for families who have a parent deployed or one parent who travels a lot for work.

Leaving kids for work or deployment

In my pre-mom life, I was an elementary school teacher specializing in gifted education. Gifted kids have a lot of anxiety too, so I thought today I might share one way professionals are taught to utilize children’s books to curb anxiety in children so that you can do it at home. Although, you are probably already doing it to some extent because I think most parents do.

I think a lot of parents do this naturally, but I just thought I would share the reasoning behind it from a professional perspective. When a child is suffering from anxiety over a stressful situation like bullying, divorce, or in Nicholas’ case worrying unnecessarily every day about whether or not his dad is going to come home from work, one of the best things you can do as a parent is to find a children’s book that puts a fictional or historical character in a similar situation. It’s a technique called bibliotherapy and when I was working as a gifted specialist we had many trainings about it because gifted children struggled often struggle with elevated anxiety.

Many teachers label this a text-to-self connection, which it technically is, but bibliotherapy intends to go much deeper than your average text-to-self connection. It deals with emotions the child is feeling in the moment and allows them to identify those emotions in themselves through empathizing with the character. This is not, “Hey, the girl in the story is moving and I remember once when I was five we had to move and I was kind of scared too.” It’s “I really know how she feels because my parents said we are going to move next month and I had to start putting my stuff into boxes last night and I’m scared I won’t see it again because the movers might lose it or break it, and I have to go to a new school and what if they don’t like me?”

How to Use Bibliotherapy

It’s also not books like If You’re Angry and You Know It that teach children about a specific emotion and how to handle it. Those books have their place too, but not here. In this technique you want the child to be able to project their emotions onto another character because it’s easier for them to deal with. It’s better to read If Your Angry and You Know It when the child is not actually angry because he/she will be less defensive and more open to the techniques presented. When children are angry, it’s better to find a book that puts fictional characters in a similar situation. That way they develop their sense of empathy and use it to process the emotion. “I know how she feels because I feel that way right now too!”

Stop in the middle of the story and ask how your child thinks the character is feeling. are the other characters being mean? Look at the pictures and the facial expressions in them. Look ahead at the pictures and predict what might happen. If the child is predicting that terrible things are going to happen, you can get some insight into why they are so stressed.

***Always, always, always read the book first! If the ending is not similar to the outcome you want like if something bad happens to the character you want your child to identify with, do not read that book! For example, if you are moving and start reading a book about a family who moves and then a tornado comes and destroys their new house, that’s probably not going to make your child feel any less stressed.

You can do this with movies too. That’s called cinema therapy, but that technique is better for older children or adults, and, no matter what age, books are always a better option. Books are better, especially for young children, because people tend to use their imaginations to put themselves into the story. In a movie, you can just watch someone else act it out and you are more likely to miss the point because you don’t have to do as much thinking and processing.

Back to Nicholas, I read him this story twice yesterday. Once before Eddie came home and once at bedtime after Eddie was home. It was important to read it yesterday because today Eddie is going to an out-of-town conference and won’t be home before Nick goes to bed. We’ll read it again, but now he has prior knowledge of the story, so I can reference it when he’s anxious later tonight. “I know you miss daddy. I bet the boy in our book missed his daddy too. His daddy was a sailor so I bet sometimes he was gone on a ship for a long time. What happens at the end of the story, again?”

“His daddy came home.”

“Oh, that’s right. His daddy came home and gave him a big hug. I bet your daddy will do that too when you see him tomorrow.”

We (I) use this technique all the time. Eddie does too, but I’m not sure he knew he was doing it. What books have you used to help your child deal with stressful situations?

What I Won’t Miss

By: Stephanie2 Comments

It’s been kind of a rough transition around here this week, after our amazing Disney World vacation. The kids have been whiny and exhausted and we have been just as exhausted as Eddie prepares to take his PE exam (it’s a big deal test for engineers, kind of like the bar exam is for lawyers) and whiny as we lament all the great things we left behind in Florida, like the fact that it would never have been snowing in April for crying out loud.

Everybody, including popular country songs, tells us “you’re gonna miss this” stage of life. It’s true, I do miss the baby stage (although Eddie most definitely does not) but I’m pretty sure the toddler stage is my least favorite of all kid stages. There’s a reason I never bothered to get certified in early childhood education.

What I Won't Miss About Parenting Littles

This morning that reason became abundantly clear as (too much information alert) I was sitting on the toilet with two kids and the dog in the bathroom with me, feeding my kids their breakfast while the dog scratched my legs trying to get some of their Poptart. Why?

a) They were in their church clothes and letting them feed themselves means I am going to have to change them again and make more laundry
b) I don’t like my kids to eat alone because I am quite positive if they are ever going to choke, it will be during the five minutes I’m in the bathroom.
c) Eddie is still asleep because he was suffering from a terrible migraine all night.
d) The dog has the pleasure of joining us because the kids know how to open the door and I am not in a position to do much about it at the moment.

“Don’t touch Mommy’s makeup.”

“If I tell you’re sister not to do something, it means you’re not allowed to do it either.”

“Share the potty (the little one that they are using as a step stool so they can see themselves make faces at the mirror) with your brother.”

“I don’t know where you’re Thomas the Train Legos are.”

“Don’t drink from that. That’s the cup we use to pour water on the dog for her bath.”

“Yes, if you go on the potty like a big kid, I will make you some Tom Selleck underwear.” (Tom Selleck has become our version of Superman. Don’t ask.)

I’m sure I will look back and miss a lot of things, but this morning will not be on the list. At least we will be able to look back and laugh.

*UPDATE: I wrote an essay about motherhood along with several other amazing mom bloggers that is part of this hilarious book! And, did I mention, it’s a NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER! Check out my post about how I got this opportunity and where you can buy your own copy!

I Just Want to Pee Alone

Love is a Battlefield

By: Stephanie3 Comments

We are young
heartache to heartache we stand
No promises no demands
Love is a battlefield.

We are strong
no-one can tell us we’re wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield.

You’re begging me to go
then making me stay –
Why do you hurt me so bad?
It would help me to know
do I stand in your way
Or am I the best thing you’ve had?
Believe me
believe me
I can’t tell you why.

Pat Benatar had no idea how right she was. Or how much these lyrics apply to raising an adopted child.

It appears another battle has begun for us. It’s going to be a long one. It’s Battle School, or really, Battle Any Structured Environment Whatsoever.

Special Needs Education Fight

I’m pretty sure my son might get expelled from preschool. I’d be okay with that, he would probably deserve it. In the past three weeks he has bitten his teacher twice, pulled the table cloth off during craft time to send other students’ work flying, and today he pooped in his Pull-Up, then pulled his pants down and smeared the contents of said Pull-Up on the reading rug. On purpose. Like a dog does when it has worms. He also got in trouble at Sunday school yesterday for refusing to follow directions, then refusing to sit in the time out chair, then taking his clothes off and rolling around naked under the table, then throwing a toy and hitting another child with it.

So, yeah.

I wouldn’t blame them if he did get expelled.

I’m a teacher, I know how they feel.

Here’s the part that people don’t understand: It’s not his fault and he can’t help it.

The poor teachers are trying, but they don’t know what to do. I sure don’t know what to do, and the really, super annoying part is that the behavior specialist he should qualify to have to go to school with him would know what to do, except we can’t get him one.

Because behavior problems are not covered as part of the LIU program that covers his other special needs. They’ll give him an occupational therapist because he still needs a sippy cup, but smearing poop on a rug and rolling around naked and biting your teacher aren’t covered.

Because Eddie makes too much money. Not that he makes an obscene amount of money, but we are comfortable. So our child has fewer rights. (Glad our tax dollars are being put to good use there.)

If we were below poverty level he would qualify for TSS support and get a behavior specialist to go to school with him. Also, if he had a lower IQ he would qualify to attend the special LIU preschool. But we aren’t, and he doesn’t. So the only way to override the system is to get a diagnosis from a therapist.

We’ve seen four.

None of them will diagnose him.

ARE YOU FREAKN’ KIDDING ME?!

I am not one to put unnecessary labels on a child, but Nicholas has Reactive Attachment Disorder. Any idiot can see that. The following is a list of symptoms for RAD. There are 32 things on the list. He has 26 of them. (The website says more than five means you need professional help. I’m thinking 26 is pretty bad.) There might be more in the future, but he’s too young to be starting fires at the moment.

1. My child acts cute or charms others to get others to do what my child wants.
2. My child often does not make eye contact when adults want to make eye contact with my child.
3. My child is overly friendly with strangers.
4. My child pushes me away or becomes stiff when I try to hug unless my child wants something from me.
5. My child argues for long periods of time, often about ridiculous things.
6. My child has a tremendous need to have control over everything, becoming very upset if things don’t go my child’s way.
7. My child acts amazingly innocent or pretends that things aren’t that bad when caught doing something wrong.
8. My child does very dangerous things, ignoring that my child may be hurt.
9. My child deliberately breaks or ruins things.
10. My child doesn’t seem to feel age-appropriate guilt when my child does something wrong.
11. My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to other children.
12. My child seems unable to stop from doing things on impulse.
13. My child steals or shows up with things that belong to others with unusual or suspicious reasons for how my child got these things.
14. My child demands things, instead of asking for them.
15. My child doesn’t seem to learn from mistakes and misbehavior (no matter what the consequence, the child continues the behavior).
16. My child tries to get sympathy from others by telling them that I abuse, don’t feed, or don’t provide the basic life necessities.
17. My child “shakes off” pain when hurt, refusing to let anyone provide comfort.
18. My child likes to sneak things without permission, even though my child could have had these things if my child had asked.
19. My child lies, often about obvious or ridiculous things, or when it would have been easier, to tell the truth.
20. My child is very bossy with other children and adults.
21. My child hoards or sneaks food, or has other unusual eating habits (eats paper, raw flour, package mixes, baker’s chocolate, etc.)
22. My child can’t keep friends for more than a week.
23. My child throws temper tantrums that last for hours.
24. My child chatters non-stop, asks repeated questions about things that make no sense, mutters, or is hard to understand when talking.
25. My child is accident-prone (gets hurt a lot), or complains a lot about every little ache and pain (needs constant band-aids).
26. My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to animals.
27. My child doesn’t do as well in school as my child could with even a little more effort.
28. My child has set fires or is preoccupied with fire.
29. My child prefers to watch violent cartoons and/or TV shows or horror movie (regardless of whether or not you allow your child to do this).
30. My child was abused/neglected during the first year of life or had several changes of primary caretaker during the first several years of life.
31. My child was in an orphanage for more than the first year of life.
32. My child was adopted after the age of eighteen months.

They say he’s too young to diagnose. All I know is that he’s not too young to exhibit 26 symptoms, attack authority figures and animals, and have strange toileting behaviors and nighttime rages. This is not normal and it is becoming majorly disruptive to his everyday life.

The most frustrating part is that he doesn’t want to act this way. He doesn’t understand why he is acting the way that he does and he doesn’t know how to stop himself.

So I will fight.

Not because I want to, but because it’s my job.

Call of duty.

I’m his mom.

Now I need to figure out what fighting looks like.

Does it look like homeschooling? Or more therapy appointments? Or writing letters to the government about the ridiculous circumstances?

What happened to “every child has the right to a free, appropriate, public education?”

I know my child is only three, but if we were living in poverty he would qualify for Head Start and a behavior specialist.

As it is, he will most likely be expelled from our private preschool, continue to be evaluated and not diagnosed, and miss out on the basic foundation for the rest of his learning experience, leading to even greater trouble in school.

Let me tell you something, letting this child slip through the cracks is not going to happen as long as I’m in charge around here.

Jenny McCarthy and I are going to march our Mother Warrior behinds (stretch marks and all) all the way up the ladder until something gives.

Because this is one battle worth fighting. And it’s one I’m sure as hell not going to lose.

Raising Wi$e Kids

By: Stephaniecomment

 

I have a mental list of life skills I want to instill in my children. Don’t we all? Teaching them to be financially responsible is on my Mommy To-Do list.

Raising Money Wise Kids

 

Funny, because I was just talking to Eddie the other day about how Nicholas’ special needs suck up so much time that I was feeling like we (I) were neglecting other areas that I fully intended to focus on by this point, like giving him chores and teaching him about money, etc. Then we got a letter from his new Sunday school class that they would be collecting an offering from the kids in class each week. Well, there was my kick in the pants to get started with the earning/spending/saving/donating money business. You’re a funny God like that, You.

He already had a piggy bank that my sister gave him for Christmas. (It’s red and black because those are the colors of the University of Maryland, my husband’s alma mater. Makes for a creepy-looking pig, but it works for us.) This morning we took out some of the money and divided it up.

I love these divided piggy banks from Amazon.com, but I’m not spending $17 for a piggy bank when we already have one.

So, for now, plastic bags will work. We put some of his money in a bag for the offering and put it in his church backpack. Then we put $2 and some extra change for tax in another bag and went to the “toy store.”

Yes, my kids think Goodwill is the toy store. Shhhhh…don’t tell them any differently.

I honestly didn’t think that any of my endless rambling about what we were doing as we (and by “we” I mean “I”) sorted the money, put it into bags, etc had sunken in, so I was really surprised at how differently Nicholas acted while we were in the store.

Normally he is a hot mess running from one toy aisle to another and asking me “Can I have this?” but today was pleasantly different.

He spent almost half an hour examining this $1.97 fire truck! I kept asking him if he had decided that was what he wanted to spend his money on and he would say things like “Just a minute, I’m still thinking.”

Finally, I had to tell him that it was time to decide if we were going to buy the truck or put the money back in our piggy bank and save it for another day.

Then he finally got in line

and paid for his fire truck with his own money. The cashier told him he would make a great banker one day because he kept such good track of his money.

AND there was a little old couple who were very impressed with him because as we were walking into the store the husband was holding the door for his wife and Nicholas asked, “Excuse me, sir, can we come in too please?” Yes, he said that exact phrase without me prompting him in any way. Every time we saw them in the store they said, “Oh there’s that young man with the nice manners.”

You’ll have to excuse me while I pinch myself. Sorry to brag, but I have to blog about that because the times my son gets noticed in public for good behavior are few and far between.

Oh, and mommy got some good deals too. I bought Hungry Caterpillar and Little Bear board games for less than $2 each (The same Little Bear game sells on Amazon for $48.95! apparently games from 1999 are “vintage”) and a Beverley Cleary book for $0.47. This book is not age-appropriate for my kids just yet, but the teacher in me cannot pass up books by well-known authors when they come with a $0.47 price tag.

Yeah! A nice little outing, good stuff cheap, and the feeling that you are doing something right as a parent (for once). Can’t beat that. 🙂

The Shape of a Mother

By: Stephanie23 Comments

 
Before I got pregnant I was thin. I was in good shape. I had perky boobs.
 
The Shape of a Mother
 
Yep. This was me:

shape of a mother1
 
That was the day before we got married. And this was me, 2 years later, four months pregnant (and very nauseated):
 
shapeofamother2
 
and then at some point in the pregnancy, I turned into a “balloon”…
term used with heavy sarcasm in response to a media article.
 
shapeofamother3
Eight months pregnant at my baby shower (that’s my mom behind me)
I also find it interesting that although these pictures were only taken 4 months apart, I look about 10 years older. Guess I was maturing. (stop laughing.)

and much to my dismay, the balloon never deflated. No matter what I did.

Eat healthier, nope.
Weight Watchers, nope.
Richard Simmons, nope.
Pilates, nope.
Zumba, nope.
Got a CT scan and blood work done to check my thyroid level and blood sugar.
They’re normal.

Talked to the doctor. He said I won’t be able to lose weight until I can get more sleep and have less stress in my life.

Ha! That’s hilarious, doc. Guess that’s why there is such a thing as “mom jeans.” Because most moms have bodies like my new one.

shapeofamother5

shapeofamother6

It’s a pretty average body, I guess, but for a long time, I’ve felt fat.

I think that’s weird, because I know if I saw someone my size (which is a size 10 or 12) on the street I would not think “Oh, my. That lady is FAT!”
But when you have spent a lifetime in a body like my old one, this new one feels exactly that.

If I wouldn’t think it about a stranger on the street, why do I think it when I look in the mirror? I don’t like doing that.

And I don’t like seeing old friends for the first time in a while and imagining them thinking, “She’s really let herself go.”

And I don’t like thinking that our new friends probably just assume that I’m lazy and overeat.

Because I’m not. And I don’t. And they probably aren’t even thinking that anyway. And it annoys me. Because I never thought that my body image and my self-image were that intertwined. That I was that shallow.

And articles like this one in the media don’t help. Don’t bother clicking on it, I shall summarize:

They called a mother of 4 who weighed 165 a “blimp” and a “balloon” and said if she didn’t drop 40 pounds quickly, she was at serious risk for a fatal heart attack.

Because don’t you know that we are all supposed to weigh 125 pounds? (For the record, I weighed 138 pounds in my “before” pictures and that light blue dress is a size 4.)

Yeah, well. All I know is that I weigh about the same as the woman in that article in every one of those post-baby pictures and my doctor isn’t concerned. And my husband still thinks I’m attractive.

So why do I care? Don’t know, but I do.

Although recently I did find a little bit of encouragement in the media.

It’s a website called The Shape of a Mother and it celebrates the imperfections that bearing children leaves on the female body.

And there is also a website called Operation Beautiful (thanks for sharing Mary Joy!) which is a movement to help women transform their body image and see themselves as beautiful. Which is important.

Because going from this:

shape of a mother1
 
to this
 
shapeofamother7
 
is a lot harder than it seems.
 
*Note: The Shape of a Mother does contain nudity. I do not consider it to be in a pornographic sense, but rather a form of artistic expression. Consider yourself warned. I am not recommending it to anyone under the age of 18, or to men, or to anyone reading this post at work (and if you are, get back to work!) or to women who have not had children because it just might scare the living daylights out of you 😛
 

UPDATE: Apparently I am not the only woman with these body issues (duh!) but wouldn’t you know that Mary Joy over at Seeds of Encouragement Sewn With Grace tackled this very issue the day after I wrote this post. That’s Uncanny. I am adding the information that she provided about Operation Beautiful into the body of my post.     

 

 

 

 

Once Upon a Swingset

By: Stephanie3 Comments

When we chose our current home it was for 2 reasons:
1. We could afford it.
2. This back yard.

 

Yes, inside there was brown shag carpeting, laminate paneling, and a kitchen that needed to be completely gutted. We had not yet “officially” adopted Nicholas and I wasn’t even pregnant with Abby. It was going to mean a move across 7 states and other major life changes (like giving up my career) but I knew that this back yard would give us moments like these…

Where a brother and a sister can read each other’s minds

and moments of sheer joy are found upon a swing set.

Where a little boy with a troubled past can be the king of his own castle

and a little girl can begin her journey with both hands on the wheel.

Where there is freedom to be nothing but a child.

 

There are things that have been taken away from my son that as his third mother I might never be able to give him back, but what I can do is try my very best to replace bad feelings with good memories, memories of bare feet, a plastic swing set, and what it feels like to be loved. Forever.
 
So that’s what we will do. One mommy, two babies, and a big back yard.

 

 

Weekend Bloggy Reading

A Weekly Guide to Family Friendly Activities In York and Lancaster, Pennsylvania

By: Stephanie2 Comments

 Kid-Friendly Activities
I am not the kind of mom who puts the “stay at home” in stay-at-home-mom. So today I am posting a weekly guide of unique places to take your children in the York, PA and Lancaster areas. (I’ll throw some of our old standbys in as well.) I have not visited all of them yet, but if I have not visited them myself they come highly recommended by friends. 🙂 

Monday:
Skating is open to the public at York City Ice Arena from 1:30-3pm Monday-Friday. 

Tuesday:
I have to plug the MOPS program at the Church of the Open Door, although it doesn’t start up again until September. There is a minimal fee for the entire year and you can hang out with fellow moms every other Tuesday from 9 am-11 am.

Until September rolls around, I suggest you spend an afternoon picking your own berries at Barefoot Farm. We visited this year and the strawberries were amazing! I also loved that you only have to pay for what you pick, and at a rate of about $2 per quart. Berry picking hours end in mid-July, but they re-open in the fall for pumpkin picking too.

We have also done cherry and blueberry picking at Brown’s orchard, and highly recommend them as well!

strawberry picking

Or if you prefer to stay indoors you could go to one of the Summer Kid Movies at Frank’s Theater or West Manchester Mall on Tuesday or Wednesday. Depending on the year and the sponsorships available, sometimes these programs are free and sometimes they cost $1. 

Wednesday:

When we first moved to the area we were part of the Family Place play group at Martin Memorial Library. If you go through the 5 week program, which is very informative and a great place to meet new mom friends, you can join the playgroup too.

If you aren’t into joining things, try the public pool at Codorus State Park.Our friends who go there regularly really enjoy it. They say it is very clean. There is a minimal charge to access the pool. You can also rent boats, go fishing on the lake and even go camping or even rent a yurt (yes, a yurt!) at Codorus. 

Thursday:
Check the county library schedule for additional children’s programs programs.

Friday:

If you have a little one who loves all things on wheels, like Nicholas does, you can take a free tour of the Harley Davidson factory.

You can also visit Perrydell Farm, and if you are there at 4pm when they feed the calves, they might just let you help.  

feeding the calves

Saturday:
Go to a York Revolution game! The minor league baseball games are much more relaxed than major league games and a great family-friendly atmosphere. There are home games just about every weekend this summer. Lawn seats are only $8 and $2 from every ticket sold is donated to charity. There is also a great children’s area with games and rides. 

Sunday:
After church in the morning take a day trip to Lancaster where you can visit the Science Factory, Dutch Wonderland (there is also a water park included with your admission fee), or the Strasburg Railroad.

Dutch Wonderland

The York area is also home to some pretty spectacular (and free!) playgrounds, such as the Getaway Playground in Springettsbury, Couseler Park in West Manchester Township, and Kids’ Kingdom in Penn Township. 

Kids' Kingdom Park

Ok, you are probably not going to do all of that in a week, but I definitely think everything on the list is worth checking out. We also love:

DreamWrights Youth and Family Theater
The Agricultural and Industrial Museum
and Tumble Town

 

Patience

By: Stephaniecomment

“Patience is a virtue known by few women and no men.”-Anonymous.

I used to be one of those women, honest. I used to have a seemingly endless supply of patience for children. I spent years as a nanny, an elementary school teacher, and even a mother without irrationally losing my temper, yelling, or saying things I shouldn’t. I am an adult, after all.

Being Patient with a Second Child

My patience is gone now. It vanished into thin air, I swear it really did. What happened? I think I met my match in the only person I’ve ever met who has ever been able to match me in terms of willpower and determination: my daughter.

As a baby Nicholas easily complied as I decided when and where he would eat, sleep, bathe, or just about anything else. He was always pleasant and genuinely wanted to please. Sure, he had his moments in the form of a temper tantrum here or there, but I never had a lack of patience for him. Never a knot in my stomach accompanied by a feeling of “there’s just no way in hell I can do this for YEARS to come.”

Raising one child came so easily, in fact, that we decided to have another one right away so that they would be close in age. Yup, I consciously brought this on myself.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Abby is incredibly sweet and very lovable, the picture-perfect blond, blue-eyed baby American Dreams are made of. She’s also as stubborn as a mule. Has been from day one.

I didn’t want to give her a pacifier, but we had to because there was just no satisfying her sucking reflex otherwise.

I wanted her to sleep in her bassinet, for 4 months the only way she would sleep was sitting upright in her swing.

I wanted to schedule her feedings, she refused to eat unless it was on her terms.

I wanted to schedule naps, she flat out refused to take them. (Have you ever met an infant who can stay awake for 15 hours straight, I have one.) Unless of course, she was being held- only upright and only if the person who was holding her was standing up and rocking side to side NOT back and forth- in that case, she might cat nap for about 10 minutes.

When she decided she finally wanted to sleep laying down I wanted to sleep train her as we did with her brother. Just like Super Nanny says, let her cry for a few minutes, go in with no eye contact or talking to soothe her, then leave. Repeat until she falls asleep. Yeah, good luck with that. This baby does not cry herself to sleep. She stays up crying until 6 am, keeping an entire family awake in the process. That’s not fair to Nicholas. That’s how she wound up in our bed.

So now I have one child who never had a pacifier, always sleeps in his own bed, eats his meals at regularly scheduled times, and at almost 3 still naps about 80% of the time when I tell him to, and one child who insists on having a pacifier, sleeping in our bed, eating when she wants and refuses to nap.

I need to get my patience back so I can straighten her out now because if this keeps up little miss Abby is going to turn into one teenager that I am NOT going to want to deal with!

In the process of appeasing my 9-month-old self-proclaimed princess I have also lost all patience for things like kitchen renovations that take over 5 months, garage door openers that do not work, whining, insurance companies, dishes, laundry, my house being disorganized (back when I had patience I was also a queen of organization. Now, not so much.) and weight loss.

I am trying to stay positive and focus on the fact that I have a beautiful, healthy family, which includes an incredibly supportive husband (who did take me on that trip to Lancaster last weekend, which was awesome) and a business that, while it is currently in the incredibly stressful and financially draining start-up phase, does have a lot of potential.

Frankly, I’m surprised I had the patience to write this much with one child whining because he doesn’t like the way the magnets make the toy trains stick together and one child pulling my hair and hitting the keyboard. Serenity now…

What You’re Saying

Latest Posts

ALL I Never Knowed: The Book Is Here!

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to my Email Newsletter. Thanks for visiting!Welcome back! Be sure to check out my Email Newsletter. Thanks for visiting!It’s finally here, in my hands. It has been a loooong time in the making, but our book, All I Never Knowed: Mental Illness, a Mother’s Love, and […]

Save Money with Fetch

Hey everyone! This is Chelsea, Steph’s asistant, back with the simplest app for getting cash back on things you’re already buying! We’ve covered Ibotta, Shopkick, Coupons.com, Swagbucks and we’re all saving hundreds of dollars by now, right? RIGHT!? I’m really hoping you guys have jumped on the rebate app savings train because it’s just so […]

Splendid Spoon Review

I was excited to receive a box of products to try from Splendid Spoon this summer! They invited me to try their line of plant-based, ready-to-eat foods and delivered them right to my door. Check one in the pro column for convenience. I did receive these products free of charge in order to rate them […]

My Networks